I thought they were waiting for Count Blackula to leave the White House so they could nominate someone who would outlaw women forever.

It helps that everyone I spend the most time with (ie coworkers) don’t smoke. Hubby still does, but he mostly regulates it to when I’m not home.

It’s at least 50-50 that he’s chucking the paint at his own house and blaming her.

I’m sorry that happened to you. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for some people to realize little girls are entitled to the same bodily autonomy as adult women.

“...allegations, going back decades, include claims of rape, fondling, molestation, and oral sex by trusted adults in positions of authority, including, in one case, an admissions officer.”

What if a man follows another man (who is dressed as a woman) into the bathroom, in order to stop the second man from molesting a woman, BUT it turns out the woman already in the bathroom was drunk or dressed slutty? THEN what is he supposed to do?

Yeah I’m betting that the Venn diagram of people who are concerned about “them transgenders” in the bathroom and people who think all of Cosby’s accusers are liars is pretty close to circular.

Slightly off topic, but that sounds like an amazing look. Like, I would look at you and think, "damn, she's got style!"

Please give them the most guilt-inducing answer possible. I would love to see them melt from embarrassment. Even in the rude as hell, up in your business South, I’m pretty sure that harassing cancer survivors is frowned on.

Your mom wasn’t weird—when I was in public school, the opening chapters of Jane Eyre were anthologized in a book for kids my age (I don’t remember the book: I do remember those chapters). The novel itself, not only the first section, was considered perfectly appropriate for young people, but the first section was seen…

If I buy my gal a ring for $21k (AAAAACK), she'd better be able to summon Captain Planet with that thing.

How am I expected to read this long article, when I got a rage stroke halfway into the third paragraph that has rendered me blind?

Frank’s Red Hot is the best hot sauce thank you goodbye.

My first word was duck. And really, that it is so close to fuck was absolutely an omen in regards to my future word preferences.

I’m lucky that my first word wasn’t fuck. My parents swear like sailors.

Wichita Falls? You must’ve sinned a LOT to go there.

Please do! It was either that or bulletproof, which is just false adverstising(I think?). But we all know, really, that after the nuclear apocalypse, the only things left will be cockroaches, Air Canada “cookies”, cheerful polyester fashions from the 70s, and of course, Cher.

Get better shoes, lose the choker, and ditch the floppy hat, and that dress could be worn today. Except that it’s probably made from tactical-level polyester, which NO thank you.

You aren’t fascinated by the story of a middle-age man in the midst of a mid-life crisis that can only be solved by sleeping with some 20-year-old college student? You must not understand Real Important Literature.

Every time you say “Namaste” an angel turns gay. Everyone knows that.