That’s always what I thought it was. A guy calls you “chill” but it really means “I don’t think you’ll ever call me out on my bullshit.”

To a certain type of guy, “chill” is the opposite of “crazy,” where “crazy” = “feelings and demands I don’t want you to have because they require me to contemplate you as a person with your own thoughts and desires.”

God thank you!

I didn’t realize until I saw that picture that I needed a baby goat in my life.

PREACH!!!

Adults who treat Easter eggs hunts like a compitition are the fucking worst. Your special snowflake baby Apsen/Dakota isn’t going to be upset they don’t have the most eggs especially since their main hobby is shitting and drooling.

What the heck kind of copier is in your office and where can I get one? There is no doubt in my mind that our copier is possessed. Inevitably it’s going to offset everything by an inch and a half and refuse to copy double sided fifteen minutes before I have to bring copies of an exam to my class.

Proud Adepts of the Adeptus Mechanicus.

When babies are very small, they are not even capable of manipulating us in that way. I’m not sure at what age they are, but when a baby cries, it has a need, either hunger, cold, wetness, or just a need to be held.

Out of the copiers??? Ok, printers I could understand because half of them ARE clearly possessed, but copiers are the innocent fawns of the office space. I honestly can’t imagine what kind of level of self involvement is necessary to imagine that your difficulties with electronics are the work of the devil.

I bet Satan brews a strong pot of coffee. And buys real half n half, none of this sugar free flavored shit

Pain pills never give me stomach issues but they make me SO ITCHY. It’s some weird stuff, man.

Oh lord, I used to work with a lady like this. Our desks were side by side and she would chat nicely and ask me what I was doing after work or making for dinner etc. She asked me a few times if I was going to yoga which I thought was maybe interest in trying it out herself, so I invited her to come with me to a class…

I took antibiotics on an empty stomach a few weeks ago, not even thinking about it. It was NOT pretty. Poor you.

Sometimes my son will whine YOU DON’T CAAAARE! And I will tell him flatly, you’re right. I don’t care about Minecraft. It’s not my thing. Maybe we could talk about grownup stuff for a while, like taxes. And water heaters. And life insurance! Then he stomps off and leaves me in peace.

It’s cool, you can join our group. We’re the World’s Okayest Moms- and we’ve got the mugs to prove it. (sorry that the picture is giant and fuzzy) Here’s your welcome bouquet.

Just imagine someone frantically sanitizing every surface in their home which may once have come into contact with bare porn-star buttocks...and having to watch and re-watch the film to make sure they'd gotten them all.

What if we treated white men like this just for, like, an hour a year? So they know what it’s like.

The worst side work I ever had to do was at a seafood place - deveining, peeling and butterflying pounds and pounds of frozen prawns. The water had to be kept cold to avoid cooking the prawns, and the combo of freezing water and prawn juice would eat through the skin of my fingers. Luckily (ha!) this was in…

Ah, a fellow connoisseur, I see.