Headline at 11 on CNN: Biebster rode a tricycle with a motor

It's going to be my answer whenever someone asks me what my weekend plans are

I hope all these celebrity kids grow up and name their own children names like"Mary" and "John".

My new laugh is "whore-dee-whore."

Every morning from now on at my house:

Serial monogamy and prostitution are the only choices. Everyone knows that. Even JLo.

The last two weeks have been so incredibly bad for this. I feel the entire world should get a free day. Where all we do is watch movies and eat popcorn and snuggle furry baby animals.

I know that feeling, and while I can't seem to take my own advice on this subject, I tend to think our mental health is more important that being up-to-date on the issues that threaten it.

Wow, I unironically want this. Having gone horseback riding recently after a couple years out of the saddle, I can assure everyone it works the hell out of your core and legs. I'd love to have a fake horse exercise machine that I could sit on in front of the TV. It would really help with my Deadwood immersion, too.

Edi…

If I could only communicate via Jennifer Lawrence gifs, I would probably still live a relatively healthy and productive life.

Don't ask me, I can't do it if the cat is watching.

I'm not afraid of the fanny pack. Are you going to put the stuff in your pockets?

"I called the police, who came to the Panera and told me they couldn't file an official report if the man was gone."

The glass of Chardonnay didn't fall far from the veranda here.

I don't hate it at all. That maxi dress with the flower reminds me of something my mom wore back in the 70s. I would wear the fuck out of something like that. That's a perfect outfit for lounging around, drinking and tweeting Tom Hiddleston pictures of my dog. (I've done this, too many times.)

I take my leftover mashed potatoes, form them into patties, dip them in an egg wash, coat them with breadcrumbs, and fry them. You can have that recipe without having to listen to a Dugger. YOU'RE WELCOME.

In other news, scary-ass nutjob fundies pretend their lifestyle isn't child abuse.

I'm going to hope that's the Texas sun I see on his face and not makeup, as I suspect.

Spoiler alert: her mother is not looking out for her best interests.

More like SMUGshot, right you guys?