I hate Friends and Seinfeld because I don’t like watching things that make me want to punch walls. I’m a terrible product of my generation probably.

Future ex insisted for months that I could not be a feminist and accept a divorce settlement. Lololol I will guffaw the whole way to the bank on that one.

Over easy with buttered toast to mash into the runny yokes. But any way without ketchup is fine. Come at me, Britons!

I get to enjoy knowing that my future ex will be served papers within the next week and that I’ll actually get money to pay my bills and live on like a person within the next month!

So have I and I found the bestest one ever. It’s literally lasted longer than my marriage. I want to Oprah gift everyone with a clit one of these little beauties. You get an orgasm! And you get an orgasm! You ladies over there? Your own individual orgasms!

I snorted at this. Thank you for that. Props your mom if she didn’t keel over laughing till you were out of earshot.

I can lock my cat in the bathroom with a litter box her food and fresh water if she’s being a monster. Apparently you can’t do that with children.

They will be horribly embarrassed by the bath pictures as teens. Probably don’t post those on fb. Maybe just email those to grandma

Thong? Children tend to have poor hygiene. Even adult ladies get bladder infections from thongs. And a UTI is always inappropriate.

I looked like this as a kid. Now I’ve spent thousands of dollars over the years to get that haircolor back. It’s not faaaaaiiiiir!

I only use it around when I’m coloring it and it helps a great deal. I have very fine and very damaged hair due to double process platinum upkeep every 6 weeks. Thankfully I keep my hair pretty short or else there is no way I could lighten and tone at home. If I don’t use it when I color I end up fist fulls of…

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

I feel like I give the written stink eye to aspics every week around here. I find it weirdly satisfying.

Yes. People undergoing treatment for cancer DO have a hard time staying the same dress or pant size as pre chemo!

Related: I’m glad marital rape, domestic violence and abuse are now crimes. No matter how sweet the clothes were back in The Day.

Yeah. I’m unable to work because of my insane school schedule and my future former spouse has refused to give me any damn money. I scrounged up enough stuff to hock to pay a lawyer and papers will be served in a week. He will be a bit surprised that I’m smart enough to pull it off.

It’s a social disease.

Reasonable accommodation must be made based on the woman’s physician’s orders. What’s reasonable for social workers who go out to interview clients to be put on 5150 holds will be different than a nurse at a methadone clinic and a welder.

Just draw an ASCII image of a snake eating its own tail.

Oh wow! You know your bidniss lady! I can’t wait till I have access to some bleeping money and can go on a LuckyScent sample spree. I need new fraggies for my new life as a Single Lady.