I love fucking. I love not having a parasite in my womb more. It’s easier to find a dude who’s DTF all the time than one who wants to make 4 basketball teams of babies with you.

That’s better than adults who think they’re “lack toast and tolerant.”

Oh god. My future former spouse does a spot on imitation of Buffalo Bill...while doing the junk tuck. It’s impressive in how horrible it is

Buy an aloe plant. Keep it alive. Harvest it’s.magical goop.

Does sunscreen make you burn or itch? I found switching to physical blocks vs the chemical ones is a big improvement.

It’s probably clogging your pores. If you shave your underarms then you’re probably scraping it off and it’s not as big a problem there. I can only use it on my hair and then I have to be super careful rinsing it out or I turn into a giant zit.

Chemical not physical exfoliation for KP. Get a salicylic acid wash and lotion. It is miraculous. You will always have to keep up with some maintenance after it clears. Physical scrubbing makes KP worse for most people.

I need to hear about your favorite incense scents please. I love CdG Avignon and Kyoto. I also like the Andy Taur Rose Incense. What are your favorite ones? I love some nice woody scents and some green ones. Also rose and jasmine. White florals hate me though.

I started using the cerave SA salicylic acid cleanser pretty much everywhere except near my junk. It’s awesome for blemishes, dry patches, calloused feet and for preventing razor bumps when I shave my legs. I even use it on my scalp when I start getting weird eczema patches up there.

I suggest just using less of the Ro on wet skin and not rinsing. It feels and smells so nice. Just dry the places where you don’t moisturize and you’ll save money.

You have to put it on while your skin in wet to prevent grease. I just towel off the my feet, put on socks and go drip over to an old towel where upon I lube my carcass with a dab of hylauronic acid and coat with a bit of avocado, sweet almond and rose hips oil.

At least band extenders are a thing. They help a lot when you’re packing major boobage. I got a pack of white black and beige for like 10 bucks at target when I was in the zaftig camp.

I also like boobs. Where is my damn cookie?

Being part flamingo seems advantageous as well.

I want to join you. I will bring liquor. I’ve never worn a wedding gown, even to my own wedding. I want to feel pretty dammit!

That’s not for under clothes. That’s in lieu of clothes. For teh secks.

Bleach! If you really want to jab a toothbrush in a faux vena cava then clean the nasty ish out with a 10% bleach in water solution. If it kills c.diff it will kill whatever manky garbage was in your food hole.

I’m currently pretending to be too dumb and trusting to figure out that I need to hire a good divorce lawyer and pay the retainer without access to any money whatsoever. It’s thrilling!

Orgasm interventions? I just call it “buying my friends their first vibrators.”

I’m currently broke as hell due to a monster but I find time to meditate very frequently. It may only be for 10 or 15 min at a time but it sooths the screaming in my heart and brings me the strength to battle with grace.