I recently started playing Neopets again. Being an adult is hard but my yellow JubJub makes it a little easier.

I thought it was well known that Cthulhu was Republican? If you worship him he eats you first! That screams GOP.

No but in kindergarten a boy falsely accused me of picking my nose and eating it. I denied it so then he called me fatty fatty two by four can’t fit through the kitchen door. Then he got caught eating his own boogers, but my nickname was the one that stuck.

I think it’s patriotic to beat the shit out of them.

Was anyone expecting ITT Tech? I was.

May he never have another solid bowel movement again, may his socks always roll down into his shoes, may he pass loud and foul smelling gas at every wedding, baptism, and funeral he attends henceforth, may he always drop food onto every shirt he wears forevermore.

“Mumma won’t let me play outside because of the consumption, I told her that don’t want to play with the governess all day! That’s why I pushed her over the railing just like I did to the last one, she didn’t wake up either. I hope my new governess is better.”

seeing as multiple groups of people would do the Fight Club thing where they erase all the student loan and credit card debt I’d break into Hobby Lobby (our local one is run by horrible people on top of being owned by horrible people) and I’d steal all the really nice yarn then I’d go ino the managers office and stick…

Oh yeah, Tiffany exists.

I’m picturing a sushi roll is anyone else picturing a sushi roll?

“Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women man!”

Yeah Whites are harmless, you can’t become addicted to Whites but if you go Yolk you get all tweaked and you start tricking yourself out over easy just to get poached. After a while you’re getting fried multiple times a day then your brain gets all scrambled, you go full blown Humpty and fall off the wall and all the…

I’m an early millennial, we were more health conscious so we were all about “the whites.”

Do kids even know what a TV is? Are these going to be unskippable ads on YouTube? Are they going to get instagram celebrities to do “this is your brain on drugs” sort of thing?

Cats domesticated themselves when they discovered we were stupid enough to give them food and worship them as gods. So we’re not totally worthless, the cats figured that out. It’s just the dogs we don’t deserve.

Well he did steal my heart the first time I saw him at the SPCA, so...

So I have a German Shepherd mix who thinks it’s hilarious to stand in the middle of the magnetic screen I bought for him so he is both inside and outside. He also refuses to allow me to take pictures of him, even if I turn off the flash, and I have no idea why. He’s good friends with the cat and enjoys nilla wafers. 

I’ve starred you and now I feel dirty. Gonna have to go watch one of those Arms of the Angel ASPCA commercials where the animals are shaking.

I never use my phone while I drive and I neglected to mention that it’s not at a four way stop it’s a three way stop so you can’t even make an educated guess based on the vehicle opposite you! It’s the turn of doom!

We cannot allow him to name anything if he wants to name it Space Force. Space Force is the name of a cheap toy bought at the grocery store in the 90's because my brother was very brave about getting his shots at the doctors office that day.