One of his fucking reelection campaign signs is blocking an already pretty blind blindspot on my drive to work. Making it a total guess of a turn for every vehicle. As if I didn’t need more of a reason not to vote for that cumstain in a cheap suit.

Yeah same here, I love what I do but it does not pay much. Poverty makes you resourceful I guess.

It took me two weeks, working only from pictures of wheels and the last time I built anything that wasn’t made from particle board and bought at target was in shop class in 1998. Somehow I managed to pull it off using my parent’s power tools. Surprisingly spinning wheel plans are not plentiful online, I got ten google…

Oh yeah I’ll let everybody know.

Does Proud Mary keep on burnin’ on her own or should I give her a blast with the bellows every couple of days?

Ever since I was a wee nova it has been my life goal to own a big wheel of cheese. Now I’m an adult without much expendable income but a whole lot of know how so I’m going to make my own cheese (using powdered milk! Thanks for the info cheese loving doomsday preppers!)

I would imagine that Heaven is like the very early days at Spahn Ranch. Everyone is singing and dancing and following around a hairy little dude who says what everyone wants to hear.

I think we should take option B. I’m imagining a battle royale of Conservative White Women fighting to be The Mother. Or maybe a thunderdome sort of situation where two mothers enter and one mother leaves? Another well dressed conservative woman arises to take on the current Mother.

“Well I don’t want to be dealing burgers all my life and the pamphlet says I can ear twice as much as I borrow so I can’t possibly lose!”

Can it be 1965 Robert Redford? I would DESTROY that.

As a millennial who doesn’t even make $36,000 a year take the money.

Congratulations! And I kind of hate you a little bit.

“Why would Robert Redford want to pay to sleep with me? You’ve met me, he can do better.”

“A latte of your choosing?”

And he was the one who fucked up Rose Kennedy for life.

Like we weren’t going to come full circle... I didn’t think we would do it before the end of the year but I knew it would happen soon.

*rim shot* okay now take your star and help yourself to our craft services table

“Ya know in the old days we used to lobotomize people who were sort of inconvenient and put them away in mental institutions, why don’t we do that anymore?”

I mean I was the size of a small planet before I had bariatric surgery years ago and I wouldn’t have run from a hungry tiger if I had to. I’d just accept my fate and start basting myself, tigers are endangered after all.

I wanted to be Ursula but the told me I was the right size but the wrong number of legs. Curse my bipedal self!