It’s not so much the mental image that disgusts me but the phantom smell it conjures. Like a cum stained tube sock laying in a piss and vodka puddle in the alley behind an Arby’s in summer.

I would love to have a past lover back but he’s been dead since the mid oughts so my question is this: would being cremated be a problem?

WHY IS HIS HAND ON HER ASS?!?

No one has descended from me and I have a buttload of life insurance. I am freakishly well insured as I am paranoid about leaving debts behind. I am literally worth more dead than alive at this point.

Wait, weren’t we supposed to have more babies like 72 hours ago to take care of the boomers? So we need to have them but we can’t talk about them and their afflictions before they pop out of our *points to groin and bushes*

I don’t believe you! What did you sing to me on my birthday last year. *waves gun around wildly while crying*

You can never have enough!

Wait! Is this the real Lunchcoma or the fake Lunchcoma? How do I know who the real one is? *stands on rooftop with a gun looking at two sandwich icons. Ominous music swells in the background.*  

The fact that it was this close means you should go a little smaller than that. I propose the following:

I just read that Jones won! Then I checked again because we live in the upsidedown and the internet says he won.

I think we’ll all agree that he does.

Weird duplicate post sorry

I watched the most beautiful documentary last night about how a hypothetical pandemic could pan out.

I thought Abortion Jones was one of the lesser known Bond Girls

You don’t need to humblebrag JujyMonkey it is well known that you always been the resident Jez hottie! Just carry on with your hot self beloved internet stranger friend.

Well with kiddy diddling, rape, incest, and murder off the rock bottom list beastiality can’t be that far behind.

Dear God,

Ya know, I kinda want to see the looks on the faces of people when Jesus shows up and goes “Dude! I fucking said love and help each other! What is all this shit!?! That’s it! I’m calling Dad to come pick me up!”

“I got something to say” *dun dun dun* “I’m fighting evil today and it doesn’t matter much to me as long as good wins!”

Can we please go a week without having to read about the President using the word pussy?