Because sometimes the other person isn’t in sync with you on the first one and their handshake may be a little limp. Gotta give them a little room to correct themselves.

Darren Sharper is a lot less dangerous in 2-D.

The Knicks are a super-team. All the guys have taken second jobs in property management.

Reminds of that time I was trying to take a routine shit in the toilet and I misjudged it and shit directly into my own mouth.

Funny, my wife asked for much the same thing.

Summed up - just do it - pull the bandaid off quickly

Did your neighborhood have a tall mailman?

“And lots of massages,” she said. “In the groin era.”

I carve a hole in cantaloupes and then microwave them for 30 seconds, before having sex with them. So maybe you should rethink your “a cock massage can be every bit as good as whatever else you’re into.” statement there pal.

I’m 38 and I give myself hand jobs nearly every day.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog with that kind of thousand-yard stare.

If I can’t puke while standing, and can’t masturbate while sitting, you’re really limiting my options for how I can appease my fetish.

Or buy Miller Lite or PBR or regular old Budweiser or any of the other lawnmower beers that are perfectly good and don’t taste like stale beer masked with citrus.

If that’s not the mission statement of this very site, I can’t think of a better one.

This is a terrible story.

And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you Chileans and your Medeling defense.

Aces do beat Kings every time.

Every child, teenager, and adult needs to hear this on a daily basis. Them, and Donald Trump.

The world is far too crowded with people who vastly overestimate their own importance.

You are the worst.