@acarr260: My work blocks youtube and the embed box the video would be in has a lovely message from corporate IT.

@bucklefilledbird: Not all of it, a chunk the size of a chihuahua will crash into Flanders's bomb shelter and destroy it.

Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

@jjthandcd: It looks like an HP ripoff of a theoretical Apple Air Hockey Paddle.

What channel is this going to be televised on? It's like American Pickers meets Thunderdome.

Had she been aware she would've worn a pant suit made of reeds.

@Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.: Beavis and Butthead were really ahead of their time.

@Sheryl Nantus: Yea, fucking billionaire superhero with no actual powers but lots of gadgets and pretty smart. Totally ripping off Ironman.

@Walk Off HBP: Well if you'd keep your head out of your ass...

@Niteman cometh: Zang!

Now when you tweet "Madea Punches a Donkey is a horrible piece of crap" @AMCTHeatres will respond "Then why did you laugh Dave, why did you laugh?"

@Daveinva: In a universe where glasses are a disguise, this ruins it for you? Really?

So that's 2 guys with fucked up backs and no health insurance. You guys oughta start a union.

@squints palledorous: Shit happens, America.

In that case, tiny wormholes may pop into and out of existence on very short timescales.

"I woke up one morning and someone had broken in to my apartment and replaced all my furniture with identical furniture." Stephen Wright

@zegota: If the Terminator kills Sarah Connor instead of being squished it completes the mission and looks like a normal Austrian body builder until the battery runs out. No arm found, no chip found, no skynet. Fuck T3 and T4, any post apocalyptic movie sequelwho's production takes place after the date of the…

Can we see your Christmas Room?

@yuzan: you can walk around the park with a leash in hand asking cute ladies if they've seen your boner

let me go on like a blister in the sun, let me go on big hands i know you're the one.