This sentence is incredible:

Someone turned on mine as a joke and then I just kept rolling with it. I feel like a ton of people read texts and don’t immediately respond - which, unless it’s very important, isn’t all that bad - so I don’t mind if people know I’m doing that too. Just be real, people.

Once or twice a month he drops something that reminds you just how big a hack he’s become. Tired ass mailbags, comparing Anthony Davis to Kevin Fucking McHale, or running a deluded anti-Westbrook-for-MVP campaign.

I got 60 extra dollars at a bar in Montreal once, or someone just left their money there and I happened to snag it along with my withdrawal. It can happen!!

This is something that has snuck up on me the past couple of years, but: I think LeBron is the best basketball player of all time. I think Michael Jordan (up to this point)has had the best basketball career. Does this distinction make sense?

my favorite TV package is the one that forces you to only watch postseason basketball or postseason hockey and doesn’t allow you to, you know, flip between channels

I mean, if Kawhi Leonard hadn’t been injured, we’d probably be watching a great WCF - that’s just bad luck for the league. Nobody in the East can touch the Cavs, but Wizs-Celtics went to 7, and the last two games were fun. And we’re about to watch what should be a great finals. The sky ain’t falling.

I guess a New York Slice? Beef on Weck is excellent - when at my hot take-iest, I think it’s a better Buffalo food than wings. New York style pizza is really great, though there are hundreds of average slice places in the actual city, so, shrug.

Buffalo plays it before every game regardless of opponent, so that’s about the only place I could imagine getting O Canada right.

Not that it’s entirely consistent with every firing, but it sure seems like you’ve got to have a shtick / personality to stick around. Maybe it started with the SVP Sportscenter - which I enjoy! - but it seems like they think these sort of branded, host based shows are the way to go. Thus, we have the 6 o’clock SC…

Got it now. A minor slip up. Still strange!

whoops!

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

for real, the chilled version is super expensive

“These bags of juice that can also be squeezed by hand - without our 400 dollar machine - are going to be so popular, we have to make sure we keep the competitors - there are going to be tons of them! - at bay!”

One of the better lines in the piece is that you can also read the expiry dates off of the back of the bag. Investors are hugely stupid.

I’m at the point where I now get blindingly mad when things have WiFi connectivity. Watch that video again. In what way does this product - which is already insanely fucking stupid - need to connect to WiFi? Thank god I had the app on my phone for the juice bag squeezer, so that when I wanted to squeeze out a seven…

I’m not super optimistic about the Sabres rebuild - I’d say McCabe is a second NHL defenseman on the roster, but they’re still hurting on D - but even the Islanders have been able to keep Tavares for this long despite never realistically contending for a cup. By the time Eichel’s a UFA, I’m betting they’ll be a…

I’ve seen it elsewhere, and I just don’t get why people think Eichel is so set on leaving. Besides the fact that superstars rarely leave their team in free agency - Stamkos meeting with other teams was the closest thing we’ve had in years - the Sabres will not let him leave during his RFA years. They can match any…

“‘Violently resisting’” I mean holy shit come the fuck on. The guy was sitting in his ticketed seat and refused to leave. He didn’t throw a molotov cocktail.