Hey Kawhi, of what’s chances in hell are you likely to sign with the Clippers?

Jeez, he really hates the Rockets

Rice is a shrewd choice for the only organization in America that tortures more people than the Bush administration.

Mike & Mike are the biggest tools to employ an ampersand since Black & Decker. 

you can learn all about sentences on twitter:

I was perfect for this except I don’t know what a sentence is,

You know it's a Buffalo dildo because they all curve to the right.

Wow. The Jags are so bad, they’re even having trouble handling the Bills. 

Actually the second was only a triple, there was a throwing error on Martinez. 

And really? We’re supposed to think Paul Oneal threatened to kill her? He hit two home runs for a kid with cancer for gods sake

Prior to the arrest Kelly was involved in physical altercations with a guest at Von Miller’s party.

This needs way more stars.

rude, Ellen. She already has a love match in her life

Unfortunate that she was standing so close, but of course hindsight is 20.

Just having that kind of day week month year life, man.

I get it. You’re smaller.  You were probably on the soccer team for most of high school.  You don’t practice open field tackles, but Jesus dude, at least try to use your arms. 

After that collision Phillips may be a flathead. 

Little Jerry’s going to get his clock cleaned