I think for my birthday wish to my Dad, I'm gonna start by sending him Kurzgesagt's video on Evolution and saying "hey, maybe please watch this and get over your weird misunderstanding that evolution is in some way a conflict with your belief that God controls shit?"
https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Thank you for ruining the Frighteners but also holy shit, you are so right.

God, I can't think of anything so evocative. It's too perfect.

I've honestly tried to read that assessment out loud without snickering or bursting into laughter, and I guess Gentle Herpes would be happy to know (or I hope they would be happy to know) that I can't fucking do it.

Hm. From the War of Independence to a shared support group for Jerks Nobody Likes Right Now. (In our case, not for a while? Haha.)

All this time I could have just been saying "please" to get what I want?

To possibly bring a child into the world (I will adopt if possible, but that makes my joke kinda invalid so ignore this) without fearing he or she's gonna be living in Captain Planet times, for one. ……..:D

Morality is a manifestation of the socialist agenda! Socialism leads to a degradation of the back-end of capitalism! …The Left wants to take your butt! THE LEFT IS COMING FOR OUR BUTTS HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS

Would that my father were one of those. He voted for Trump "holding his nose" and now is full-on singing his praises on the reg. The worse things are, the more he defends him. It's gone from doubling down to full-on crazy person. "Oh, honey, nothing bad is going to happen to women or gays. Oh, the EPA has just been so…

"There, but for the grace of God, go I", am I right? Oof.

You just profiled my Dad.

I know things are whackalicious, but… the Tories would have to elect a Flat-Earther Nazi dolphin to even begin to top us right now.

"No, I got straight C minuses, but I never got used to it!"

All the future throw-ups I could ever have just time-traveled backwards into my mouth.

You're right. I do feel better!

At age 15 I was listening to the original cast recording of Phantom of the Opera (because of course I was) on cassette while cleaning the bathroom and dropped my Walkman full-on into the (clean, thankfully) toilet. Just like, fully submerged, no near-miss, just full-on right damn straight into the toilet. So from then…

Directions unclear, VHS cassette already stuck in toaster.

< blinking rainbow colors >

B-but… Ivanka can't be a Ferengi! *points*

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