That woman is living her best life!

The fatality comes with the 7:00am text the next day: “Sweetie, do they still call it the walk of shame?”

Those look way too similar to thumbnails I have absolutely not seen on Pornhub.

Listen, when you’re a parent it is your job to be as embarrassing to your kid as humanly possible. That’s just science.

Cable can technically do whatever they want - the reason most don’t is because it used to scare off advertisers. But things have shifted a bit.

Every time I think we’ve reached peak SyFy, they say “Hold my beer...”

Be careful with WWII puns; it’s not for a wide audience, and not everyone Goebbels them up when offered...

Oh god I laughed out loud. I’m horrible. Thank you for being horrible too. :)

Nah, it’s a Holocaust joke. I won’t go there. But here’s one that’s borderline...

She’s always been that type of woman who “doesn’t have any girlfriends, all my friends are guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Color me not shocked.

Seriously? This is the hill we die on? What was meant to be a small token of support is turned into a point of outrage? Im sorry but the reason trump and his supporters continue to shit all over us is because we devote too much of our very limited resources to bullshit infighting in a hope to be wokest. Can we get…

I love assembling IKEA furniture! It’s like carpentry where all the hard parts are done for you. Hammer some shit, screw some shit in, and bam! You have made furniture.

I don’t really trust people who are bad at ikea. When my renters moved I bought the furniture they didn’t want to schlep across the country, and I’ve had to tighten/re-assemble every single thing.

i want swedish meatballs right now.
Also the trick to IKEA shopping is to take a workday off and go in the morning when everyone else is working.

“Now that I’ve saddled the company with two billion dollars of debt and alienated the core customer it’s time to move on. I have several well adjusted grandchildren that I’d like to mess up irrevocably and a retirement boat... that I want to sink.” - good businessperson Mickey Drexler

#thighgapcansuckit

I have short, thick legs that exercise and lipo haven’t cured. If anything, working out has only made my calves bigger. I’m all about this song. Leg acceptance is hard when all you see are thin, long legs in the media.

As a friend tweeted last night while watching it... “Put Baby back in the corner! For the love of God put her back in the corner!”