I can shit into a bag, drunk or not. Never done it, but I’m confident in my abilities. I’m not going to run home and try it out or anything, but alls I’m saying is, you need a bag filled with some shit, I can do it for you. Ziploc, target bag, one of those gift bags specifically for wine bottles, I’ll hit the bottom…

Tim, do you have a standing desk? You must, otherwise it would get really uncomfortable sitting on those cojones grande all day.

This is fucking fabulous. I have never loved Deadspin more.

This is a real shrewd way to stick it to the bosses. Good on you guys, Deadspin.

Petition the MLB to change RBI to “right ball injury”, and order will be restored.

The cropping is the best part, it says”Im being dishonest”, but the missed details say “Im incompetent”.

And now we know what Jesus would do.

Or celebrating his own personal achievement and acting like they were going to lap their opponent when it was 17-7 he is black so I don’t like him.

From now on, all briefings should be conducted using body language exclusively. The intelligence officers will sit silently while Trump stares at them, and determines from the angle of their knees what ISIS will do next.

#1: Agreed the national anthem shouldn’t play before games. However, if we were to stop playing it because of the protests, rather than address the protests, that would be an act of absolute craven cowardice. I didn’t suspect Americans were so timid that they can’t even allow someone to criticize their country without…

Ten bucks says the Trump kid picks his nose...

I'll give Trump asthma.

I say, cracking good show, Dansby! Huzzah and ballyhoo!

I’ve heard that he cannot palm a golf ball.

I’m not sure how it couldn’t be racing, because Gran Turismo.

I’m not going to hammer you, as you’ve had enough already.

Good point. Why should the media keep reporting what one of the two people who wants to be President says? Whenever he says something dumb or outrageous, the media should avoid reporting it so that people get the impression he isn’t saying dumb outrageous shit. That would be ideal, for a lot of people to not be aware…

Benintendi- 22 years old

5.09 The ball becomes dead and runners advance one base, or return to their bases, without liability to be put out, when— (f)A fair ball touches a runner or an umpire on fair territory before it touches an infielder including the pitcher, or touches an umpire before it has passed an infielder other than the pitcher;…

“You’re a prison” is such a good comeback.