I used to say “they pay me to spend the day with you, I’m not spending my night with you for free” and then everybody would laugh and laugh.  But I meant it.

More importantly, what is the lipstick in that vacation photo!?!

I generally don’t wear make-up but waxing is easily $50/month.  Throw in some good moisturizer and there you have it.

Human babies come from mammals. Chickens have a cloaca which is a single, multipurpose opening. The eggs and the shit do indeed come from the same place.

Yes.  That show is not funny to residents, it’s so real that we cry.

Not chicken but eggs.

If it’s God’s Will that rape victims stay pregnant, then she needs to put herself in His hands and trust in the Lord that she won’t rupture and bleed to death.

No to Chik-fil-A always.
You are missing my beloved Tim Horton’s!

I live in Rashida’s district (and voted for her!) and am surprised by the amount of vitriol and threats in Facebook replies to her posts.  Not that they exist but that people are doing this WITH THEIR OWN NAMES and identifiable details.

My fat somehow sets off the pat-down alert so I get far more thigh groping from TSA than I ever expected. Every single time, they point out that the scanners only work for young, thing men and everybody else gets flagged for something.

My grandfather dragged me to a couple White Castles in Detroit but he didn’t start me on them young enough.  So gross!  There is one less than a mile from my house and while I’ve gone twice, I can’t force myself to try it a 3rd time.

Contrariwise - eggs are best cooked in cast iron where the edges burn and turn lacy.

I work in a medical call center and we’re extra-busy on holidays.  My traditional Thanksgiving dinner is 7-11 nachos and Diet Coke.

But who doesn’t love the chance to have Jimmy Durante stuck in their head for the rest of the night?

They don’t call you ‘sinister’ for nuthin.

Yes but the 90% of us following your left-handed pictures are going to take way longer.

This sounds awful and I WANT IT.  But no android.  Thhhpppt.

Too soon.

They key is to try and have even numbers.  Better luck next time!

I was a very carsick child to the point where throwing up in the car didn’t phase me. But my new stepdad was a sympathy vomiter and would immediately pull off the freeway and leap out of the car to retch and smoke.