I work in a medical call center and we’re extra-busy on holidays.  My traditional Thanksgiving dinner is 7-11 nachos and Diet Coke.

But who doesn’t love the chance to have Jimmy Durante stuck in their head for the rest of the night?

They don’t call you ‘sinister’ for nuthin.

Yes but the 90% of us following your left-handed pictures are going to take way longer.

This sounds awful and I WANT IT.  But no android.  Thhhpppt.

Too soon.

They key is to try and have even numbers.  Better luck next time!

I was a very carsick child to the point where throwing up in the car didn’t phase me. But my new stepdad was a sympathy vomiter and would immediately pull off the freeway and leap out of the car to retch and smoke.

Do you just have one giant breast?  If you have two, there is a space between them and you can see the hooks through that gap.

If you live in a small midwestern town, it’s totally normal to take kids to the bar.  (Said the kid who feel asleep on a pile of coats in a booth at least twice a week for most of her childhood.)

And if you’re a giant nerd that follows your public library on Facebook, you might already have tickets.  (I was looking for this yesterday after DPL announced you were coming.)

Did she really not know she was supposed to be an athlete?  I can kind of see not knowing that your parents had someone else re-take the SAT on your behalf but not this part.

My stepdad likes to go around 7p on Friday, says it’s always quick.

A big bag of rice, sometimes with tuna, and a ton of coffee (because I worked at a coffee shop).

I was attending Catholic school (while not Catholic myself) and this video caused ACTUAL TEARS because everybody knows that Jesus wasn’t black.

And all the newly released ex-cons were too busy driving cabs.

Amazon let me order this way back on September 2nd so I assumed it would be out... sooner. Patience is not my strong suit!

I had a temporary (maybe 5 years?) aversion like this.  I can trace it back to when our 2nd grade teacher let us open all the eggs that didn’t hatch in the classroom.  HORRFYING.

My mom is totally creeped out that my nephews aren’t circumcised and was mad at me when she found out I encouraged my bro and sis-in-law to skip it.

You are not the only person to do this but as a not-very-big-on-chocolate person, it’s easier just to buy those wafer cookies with no coating.