Anytime I mention getting one to a friend she’s all ‘I’ve had so many friends get pregnant with IUDs!’ Is my friend just a bitch? I successfully take the pill but I’d like not to have to worry about it and NOT have to worry about my dude impregnating me.

Hasn’t it come out that Mo Theresa was/is a piece of shit?

There’s tourism in Oklahoma?

Right into Texas Crazy Land! They can have them. BYE, OKLAHOMA!

Oh! Not from the movie Misery? Sounds very much like the movie Misery. Which I’ve only seen on stage.

WTF is that?

Lets face it: if you live in Minnesota, what else is there to do?

Why hasn’t this motherfucker been executed yet?

Lottery is the tax on the dumb. This person and her family are exceptionally dumb.

Where was the catastrophe for Lincoln, Nebraska? Or Dubuque, Iowa?

John Goodman is so great. He was so great in Red State.

Dude, no. I LOVED that movie. I saw at the Lincoln Square AMC and had to check after that the Time Warner Center was still standing afterwards.

My goodness, have you ever seen a fatter group of old white people? Sheesh. Also: Fuck Huckabee.

Excuses to cover up the fact that they have herpes.

My dream wedding: courthouse ceremony, walk into my favorite bar with a bunch of my friends and family waiting there to party it up for a few hours, eating some damn delicious bbq chicken wings and blue moon, and goof off in a photo booth. How much do chicken wings and beer cost? $5,000? Photobooth is like $4k. Let’s…

My fists can be bought. Let’s talk. All cash.

Fuck this college and fuck religion. Anyone who truly worships any god is a fucking moron. Use your common sense to figure shit out and be a good person instead of relying on your favorite sky wizard.

Oh I have plenty of material possessions - too many, in fact. And I’m childfree, not childless. Big difference. This world is unsustainably populated as it and there are too many children who need homes to justify bringing another ankle-biter into this world.

Sorry, the assholes who voted or didn’t vote in this wasteland of a state get what they deserve. Also: fuck this guy.

To all the people who live in East Jesus Nowhere and are bragging about their 5000+ sq foot homes: Fuck off.