Ugh, I puked in my mouth. The Heisman is an award, it is a significant feat of achievement. It requires dedication, talent, and integrity, and as such it is an award young football players strive for. It should be something noble. Its winner joins the company of historic players, hence it is not something that should…

I'm babysitting a ten year-old boy who loves football and he wanted to watch the announcement, so we did. If he was my son, I would have said no and talked about rape culture, but that is not the kind of thing you can spring on someone else's kid.

Funny how nobody demands of men the shit they demand of women. You act like women have not been savaged by black and white men alike in their chummy view that women lie about rape.

Once a Douche, always a Douche.

I mean shit.

DeactivatedFatGirl—call me. Because we need to go to karoke or something. This is marvelous.

Her hair reminds me of Detox Icunt's wig.

Sometimes it feels like all the people that choose not to have children are exactly the people I wish raised more children.

WHAT?

My husband and I are at the moment deciding to be kid-free, and I wouldn't be surprised if that decision sticks. We're 95% certain we won't change our minds, but know that we can't predict the next five to ten years, so.

Twitter is proof that most people shouldn't be allowed to have opinions beyond, "when should I not crap myself today?"

Thank you for telling your story, Julie.

I applaud Deadspin for publishing this. The only question is how long it will be until the comments are closed.

Don't compare greatness to mediocrity. I respect what Patrick stands for, but it's not even close to the same. Jackie Robinson was more than just the first, he was an exceptional player who didn't have the privilege to coast on his sex appeal and "girl power."

Good joke or bad, I have absolutely no patience for people who can't laugh at themselves. Especially highly paid sports figures who earn millions of dollars for doing — lets be honest — nothing of any real consequence.

I called and cancelled my dentist appointment for this Saturday.

I still think it's Zoe.

I'll be so disappointed if Fleetwitch is really the new supreme. She just bores the piss out of me for some reason.

We spent around 20k on our wedding on far out DC burbs and I don't regret any of it. We had a gorgeous location, amazing food, open bar, I loved my dress, awesome DJ, fabulous photographer, and all the people we love. Sure we could have done it for less (or much much more), we made cuts on things, but we had an…

I think you deserve to be shot if you were out buying a fucking TV on Thursday evening. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? You all ALREADY HAVE TVs. STAY THE FUCK HOME SO THAT OTHERS CAN STAY THE FUCK HOME. This mass-consumerism/greed has simply got to end. Fuck everyone.