oh and also i love kyle mooney so much i will cry if he leaves snl

they’re both on snl

San Diego born n raised here, trying to figure out if I should move and see what life is like elsewhere. Like, get a real job and buy a house and not be a beach bum who works only as much as I need to afford beer. BUT ITS SO HAAAAARD, TO SAY GOOOODBYYYYYYE (etc etc)

HEY FUCK YOU

My favorite comment yet: “Christianity is hereby dead. Next up: gas chambers.”

Umgridge?

I am in the majority of folks who find Portlandia hit-or-miss, but goddamn do I love Carrie and Fred Armisen (even if he’s a creep or whatevs). They are SO funny together and she is ADORABLE and he makes me feel weird in my pants. This is going on the reading list for SURE!

This reminds me of the most disgusting thing I ever read on Reddit, which was a story of a dude picking up a mostly empty bag of Fritos from his coffee table and and pouring the crumbs into his mouth, after which he realized HIS DAD HAD PUT HIS TOE NAIL CLIPPINGS INTO THE BAG

Just this morning I accidentally poured garlic salt into my coffee instead of sugar. AND THAT’S why you always label your little glass seasoning jars (or just leave them in their original package; fuck you Pinterest for making me feel like that’s unacceptable).

Hooray! Thanks for providing me with the video I will drunkenly force people to watch when they’re at my house for the next three months!

I just looked this dude up - he has three other daughters by three other women - DOES THIS MAN NOT KNOW WHAT CONDOMS ARE?!

From a person who is currently attempting to navigate a real bummer of an emotional experience and having a hard time allowing myself to cry, thanks for this video - it really jumpstarted the tears. NOW ON TO SOLDIERS COMING HOME TO THEIR PUPPIES, and then maybe facing actual real life. We’ll see.

That is ABSOLUTELY it. I’m sure there is a lot of this going on from Kendall:

This article is so great it’s making me physically angry

There was a year where I would eat one of those giant (partially cooked) Otis Spunkmeyer cookies AND a bagel with cream cheese on “break,” and then A Dominoes slice of pizza and microwaved burrito for lunch. AND THEN a BLT when I got home for “second lunch”. Thank you GOD for gymnastics or I’d have been, um, ROTUND

One of my dad’s classic moves was “oh, we’re out of milk? Apple juice in your cereal it is!” I have never forgiven him for that abomination.

OH MY GOD, SO GOOD. “It’s like when you pull up shag carpet thinking there’s hard wood floors underneath, but it ends up just being dirty linoleum.”

SPAAAAARKS. Oh my god I loved Sparks in college. What are the odds that one could get their hands on this glorious beverage in 2015? Asking for a friend

You’re not even your mom’s favorite Jonah, Jonah.

GASP! JONAH GIF PARTY? JONAH GIF PARTY. My persona favorite line (and one that I use on the reg despite not having a dick):