It’s a pretty common experience amongst immigrant kids.

Uh, one of my coworkers told me today that he had a dream and I was in it, and that we were supposed to be figure skating in a competition but that I kept refusing and insisting on singing and I was DELIGHTED to hear. Partly because I am actually a musician and have never learned how to skate so I'm pretty sure that…

“First I roll over on the bed I built for myself
and look at the ground. If there are clothes I wore from the previous day and they’re not too dirty, that’s what I put on.”

I’m 6’1” and I can somewhat sympathize. Some people are really intimidated by me, and if I wasn’t also black I wouldn’t understand why so many women are intimidated. The dudes who are afraid usually aren’t when I start talking (I don’t have a deep voice by any means).

NUBBIN!

Amy Schumer is simply the greatest. She has become a national treasure in no time at all.

People who just rescued a dog.

Which is why to most people the former smoker is the most boring person in the room

I let my 19 month old run around in just in swim bottoms because 1) she’s 19 months old, there is nothing remotely sexual about her pre-pre-pre-pubescent body 2) I ain’t got time to try an wrestle a wrigling toddler out of a wet lycra top or, god forbid a 1-piece swimsuit. Last year, I got some side-eye for this (yes,…

The preview still of the woman and the deer above: what movie is that from?

robble robble Robble ROBble ROBBLE ROBBLE! ROBBBBBLE!

Was once at a party and texting back and forth with this guy. He was at home and said something about using his label maker. I called him a nerd and next thing I know, he sends me a dick pick with a nice label reading “SUCK IT” on his penis. I totally showed it to everyone.

This isn’t exactly ‘grim’ but basically this is what hubby and I text each other every day when we’re in different parts of the house:

Settling in for this post like the creeper I am.

1. Buy a cow

...your sister. (Oh dear God what is wrong with me?)