Funny, all I see is peaness?

Also maybe don't tweet about your guests, Achatz.

I read the headline as "pendants" and was wondering why Stamos decided he needed to go hard at Jane Seymour-designed mall jewelry.

Holy cow, the Kentucky Derby one is already a goldmine (not intended as a pun, but I'm leaving it):

I just don't get these kinds of people!! How do you get to pick and choose what parts of the bible you take so seriously??? The part where it says homosexuality is a sin? Taken very seriously and literally. The parts about women needing to live outside while on their period? Well that's just silly and part of an…

For Christ's sake, yes please. See, I am in the military. I am not in the Army, but I am at a joint base, so I know what their deployment schedule is. On my base, it's realistically a year on, a year off. Sure, the brass said it was shortened to 9 months a few years ago, but with spin-up and pre-deployment training,…

The real robber of Christmas.

Jesus H. Christ! Can we talk about the inhumanity of a two-year deployment???

FACT. Fairytale of New York is, hands down, the best Christmas song.

It would be really nice if you listed the song titles so I didn't have to listen to the beginning of every video.

"Martinis are the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet."

I bet she eats deep fried veal off the ass of whoever she cheats on her husband with.

Vanity Fair has succeeded on two fronts: Ensuring that I'll continue to never buy one of their magazines, and making me dislike Paltrow more than I did before...because you know she's walking away from this with an ego bigger than ever. I expect she'll create a recipe called Vanity Fair Humble Pie and it will contain…

They're called breasts, Mother.

Eh, 2 out of 3, and it never gets me anywhere. :(

Yech. Can you forcibly make someone unfollow you on Pinterest? Because that would be amazing. You could even call it "blocking." I'm a genius!

OH. MY. GROSS. That is horrifying.

Was it this one? It's so barftastic it makes my uterus shudder.