Theory No. 7: Would-be fans spend 97% of their disposable income on mirrored Oakleys, Jimmy Buffet paraphernalia, Valtrex and stickers of Calvin pissing on things.

Oman, I think you missed the joke.

Luckily after these two incidents the Panthers instituted safety policies that ensured that stray pucks would only ever hit empty seats.

The thing about being great at basketball is that it doesn’t prevent a person from being boring and deeply unpleasant.

And the name of the kid in the black beanie on the right who was passed over and ignored.... Adolf Hitler. Congratulations, everyone. You just created a monster.

Richardsons first check will bounce even higher.

In this case, “unsportsmanlike conduct” is cover for “Dude, we can’t afford to replace that ball, and we only have this stadium until 7pm!”

I pinched a nerve in my neck a few months ago nodding my head too vigorously.

I bruised my hand raking leaves yesterday.

I can’t wait for the expiration of Matthews’ contract. He’ll enter the summer as a free agent, then post a picture of himself as a child wearing AZ Coyotes pajamas (or a Doan jersey), and - if there’s still a team in AZ when that happens, he’ll sign a ridiculous contract with them for too much money and too many…

Don’t turn around. Mark Wahlberg is behind you, and he is pissed.

It’s just like the beginning of Good Will Hunting, except none of them are geniuses and it’s entirely their fault. 

welcome back

Complaining about the game = Bad.

Jack Nicholson fell into this queso and came out as the Joker

CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa, a Bush administration official found a WMD!

if we still had an EPA that would be declared a Superfund site

They certainly played like their buttholes were tight.