It’s perfect for smuggling dino embryos off Isla Nubar.

Keeping your keys in car is a smart move. Nothing kills a party like some bartender confiscating them because youve had like 15 drinks or whatever

They have the number of the last guy to block a Putin shot hanging from the rafters. Also his pants, skates, helmet. stick, and body.

I think the blatant corruption and farce of this game is just too much. You have pros like Pavel Bure on the ice and they just let this old man skate by him and score and...no, wait, that’s just how Pavel Bure defends everyone.

Mini, Infiniti, and Hyundai end with an i. Suzuki is in the running. Mitsubishi can sell him a Mirage.

So my Bro-truck might lose a little bit of HP with bigger tires, who cares? The YETI and Browning stickers on the rear glass will more than make up the difference.

“How about you Dere-leeckt my balls.”

You don’t put the bible at risk in a car overnight.

If you have all the draft picks, the other teams will eventually grow old and die. You have to think long-term, sheeple.

Idiot! Any athlete worth his salt knows the earth is flat!

“I’ve caught myself in my own zipper more than any doctor on Earth!”

The only tool in a truck now-a-days is the driver.

H.R.C., eh? Every artist wants to sign their work. This is definitely a Soros-funded false flag operation to slander everyday God-loving Southern patriots.

No not really. I just shout my name if I’m in there and someone else comes in

You know what’s great about bathrooms in public places in Europe? They’re an entire enclosed room. That’s fucking great. You can do whatever you want in them. Just don’t pass out after shooting up in them, that’s rude.

You’re nailing this. The solution, as always, is to skew toward an older, politically disinterested audience who will definitely keep your company relevant in the years to come.

I don’t have anything quippy, just glad Deadspin has someone good reporting on hockey

The game of Lava, Mustang, Crowds is a lot like Rock, Paper, Scissors.

I don’t know, those guys look like pussies

“Twenty appointees...that’s nine and eleven!”