I hope they succeed, obviously. But we should correct them on one point: Eating at 11am is not “brunch”. It’s lunch. Just regular old lunch.

“Snootchie kombuchies!”

That is the fastest that any DMV employee has ever moved.

Group of old white men give Blackmon a butt load of money to stroke massive dongs while they watch.

“They don’t want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something.” RIP Mitch Hedberg

“You gonna fu*k that thing or what?” - Jim McElwain

I’m beginning to wonder if the internet is worth it.

They probably liked the fact that RG3's knee isn’t even capable of bending.

It was the Os Johnny had trouble with. He had no trouble with the Xs.

This is satire, right?

where do u pack the unbearable emotional weight of existence like is there a dry/stuff sack for that?

umm...

I pack my 5-year-old son’s lunch and he gets a treat. He is arguing that Fig Newtons are not a treat, I say they are. Will you settle this for us?

Ya know, at the start of the game, BOTH pitchers are working on perfect games. It really is rude of any batter to try to get a hit in that situation.

Amidoinitrite?

Sick brah, is that a Denso 120amp?

BREAKING: The bros have been traded to the Yankees for two mannequins and a dead guy wearing sunglasses to be named later.

I’m big on turbocharged cars so I tattooed a turbo on my arm. Pretty sweet right?

The proper counter is to hatchet-throw the bat at the opposing pitcher, kick the catcher backwards, pick up the ball and run from third to first to home to second. This unlocks unlimited-dingers mode.

Even I think you’re way off base here. A 300? He’s not selling fentanyl in downtown Philly, he’s commuting.