It’s more fun to go off the side of the boat and then run and tell your friends to “come look, there’s a fish!” and then they run over and they look at your poo.

I think pubic hair may actually be the loser here. I was having a conversation with a male millennial coworker a while back and he let slip that he, and everyone he knows of, goes trimmed nowadays. Could just be anecdote, but I don’t know with these youths anymore.

The horse-talking person has all the mental faculties of a horse in a person’s body (and vice versa).

I think it’s important to air things like this to disabuse Americans of the assumption that anyone with an English accent is automatically smarter than they are.

Come on, you’re better than this! My wife and I play in a bowling league together and we’re not fucking.

Pill ad

Yeah, I would hate for the precious children to be exposed to the evils of marijuana while trying to watch two men beat each other to death with their bare hands for the enjoyment of a braying mob.

Let me guess, they cut away to a Budweiser commercial.

They are cousins though. And France is the home of Les Cousins Dangereux.

She stated that she started to feel the costume falling apart, and “I prayed.”

I hope a bucket of paint falls off a ladder and lands upside-down on your head and gets stuck there and you stumble around with a paint-bucket on your head and crash into a ladder and fall down a manhole.

Shouldn’t this game really be “Name a fat coach”?

A lot of Steelers fans would be terrified if theY ever woke up looking like Mike Tomlin. Not that most Yinzers have a problem with race or anything.

When you woke up this morning, did you think of yourself as someone who would call the teenaged survivor of a mass shooting a liar on the internet, or are you surprised to learn that about yourself?

One of the great things about the Olympics is I read a headline like that and my first thought is “the dude’s first name is Gahhh, that is frickin’ awesome”, but turns out it’s just a run-of-the-mill Kristian with his face cut open.

A black person being on Friends is even crazier than the Earth being flat.

So now that tennis has been solved, what’s the next challenge for computers?

Uh, something’s definitely growing on that X4 and it needs to have it checked out by a doctor.

Any phrase starting with “Sean Hannity thinks....” or “Sean Hannity says....” holds the same weight among people who aren’t fucking imbeciles as “My dog thinks....” or “My hamster says....”