These are correct.

Mouth guard and bitch

My co-worker tried to insist that all American athletes were just really hard working and competitive today. I don’t know him well enough to bother arguing.

It’s not like we’re piling up bodies in the trenches and charging across battlegrounds into machine guns anymore.

That tweet is hilarious.

The Peter Theil strategy?

BEST SHOOTER EVER!!!*

Better to Reign in Hell must be the rationale.

Someone should sue you for posting this song.

Verbatim Sarah Spain.

Is this some sort of allegory? Is it the weapon or the text? The bat flip or the unwritten rules?

Memo to All Gawker Writers

Do Barry next.

he might get a really big chomp out of an ear

+1 Birds’ Rights

I agree - 100%. Sure ya do, buddy.

Must have a reverse commute at that speed.

I’d like for you guys to get out from under the umbrella of Gawker. I was here. Then I went over there. Now I waste more time. And I like Deadspin. Not Gawker. But I’m addicted to yelling at people there. People don’t really yell over here, which is nice. Thanks.

Whip-its. Birthday balloon sized whip-its.