I do not get art. In college, I had to take an upper level elective outside my major, so I took some kind of art history class. One day, we learned about Kazimir Malevich. We got to one of his masterpieces: Essentially, just a white square on a slightly less-white background. Oh, and the square was askew. That was it.…

My thoughts EXACTLY. This is the basic gist of like 95 percent of the cases she hears!

I write for a newspaper. I stick to dress pants from New York & Co. or Banana Republic (Factory) and a top. Our employee handbook does specify no sleeveless shirts, but that’s about it.

Holy shit. FUCK that guy.

My younger sister graduated from college last year, has a great job, plenty of savings, no debt (went to a nearby state school on scholarships), her own car and lives with our parents. The reason is, in my opinion, pretty cute though — she’s had this cat since she was 8, so obviously he has lived at our parents’ house…

Right? Who started the tradition of printing insipid engagement and wedding announcements in the freaking newspaper, for other people to read while eating breakfast? Straight people!

I’ve been on the pill for nine years, on a formula that has the week of “inactive” pills at the end. I don’t get a period anymore. I haven’t had so much as a little spotting in months. My GYN said it’s normal. If my pill stops suppressing my period — which I have come to love almost as much as not being pregnant —…

Well, I meant as opposed to dying on the spot. But yes, she’s by no means out of the woods yet with an injury like that.

Agreed. She’s super lucky if all she suffered was a broken pelvis.

The last taxi I took, in L.A., the driver switched from jazz to country (after consulting a slip of paper in his pocket I assume had a list of radio stations by genre) after he heard my husband’s and my, well, twangy accents. Yes, we come from a place where people say “wooder” instead of “water,” but we both HATE…

Ouch! My dog has yet to injure me in his quest to avoid water at all costs!

Hmm, maybe I’d really like these then. I love Haribo’s flavors but I’ve gotten an achy jaw from gnawing through an entire bag of their gold bears.

My favorite part of that gif is in the bottom right corner, there’s what looks like a weimaraner that runs up by the two black Labs like “Hey what’s everyone looking at?” and then he sees the pool and he’s all nope, bye! Because I have a weimaraner who is supposed to love water — he has webbed feet and a short,…

Neither did I! I thought Southerners were proud of them. I was in Charleston for a week last month and they were on the menu pretty much everywhere I ate.

That’s what my mom learned in. When she got her license, her dad bought an old one, brought it home and said “Now go learn how to drive it.”

I learned in a 1990 Nissan King Cab pickup. It was “communal property” on the farm I worked on during the summer in high school/college, so it was either learn to drive that thing or haul rotten produce in my own car.

The only time my husband and I stayed in an AirBnB, my husband, drunk and a little disoriented in the dark unfamiliar apartment, wandered into the wrong bedroom and almost got in bed with the host couple! Luckily they just laughed it off and pointed him in the right direction.

Those two were total cunts to each other. Never should’ve gotten married. Lovely people separately though!

WHAT.

Be wary of requests too, particularly if they’re coming from an ex. My best friend, drunk off her ass at a wedding one night, asked her ex-husband to send her a dick pic. He must have thought she was maybe regretting initiating the divorce, because he fulfilled the request pretty much immediately. But nope, she just…