Proof that retired middle-aged pro athletes are still more athletic than 99% of us will ever be in our primes.

Hate?

I mean, maybe we’ve been primed to think of Kyrie as a bit out there and contrarian because of his whole flat-earth routine, but I think this headline is a bit misdirected. When he says, “I don’t really think of Christmas as a holiday,” I think what he’s saying is it’s just another day I have to work. And speaking as…

I see your point, but that’s not actually what the word “holiday” means. I am not Jewish, but I still think of Hanukkah as a holiday, because it is, in fact, a holiday. It may not be a holiday I personally celebrate, but it’s for sure a holiday!

Phoenix is actually a developmental team. Congratulations to Mike James, who now has an opportunity to sign with a real NBA team.

Perhaps James will rise again from the ashes of this particular basketball related personnel decision.

This doesn’t make any sense, where would someone get cocaine in Florida?

They’re both skeptical of the cat. So all I have to do is make sure that the cat keeps everyone in line. Should be a breeze.

The fact that you are calling them “coke dogs” instead of “coke K9s” is a travesty. I would also accept the alternate spelling of “cocaine9s.”

“Twenty on the Coke dog?”

Wow, the last place I’d expect this story from is Florida.

“Officer, that’s not mine. It’s for my dog.”

I love my dog to death, but a tiny part of me wants to see how she would act on coke.

Well, it was fun taking the Rockets seriously. We’ll always have November, I guess.

Then after Trump and Ball defeat the aliens, we discover that the visitors were benevolent and were here to usher in a golden age of peace and prosperity ...

Not true. Trump and Lavar Ball teaming up to beat the aliens...THAT’S how 2017 ends.
Epilogue: they end up blowing up a few alien ships over North Korea, which causes massive damage but also imparts alien technology upon Kim and leads to massive, next-level world war in 2018. YAH!

Really, there’s only one way Trump making first contact can go down:

Trump didn’t realize the biggest problem with building the wall was that the illegal aliens could just levitate over it.

I mean, in 2018 credible evidence of a possible alien invasion is like...fifth (tops) on my list of World Ending “Oh-shittness.” You wanna step up your game, Aliens, get on twitter.