Every day when I drive to work, I realize that one out of two people I see think it’s OK to be lied to by a low IQ, hypocritical sex monster who spends most of his days being a dick and putting ketchup on his meat. And that’s why I drink...

The people’s eyebrows, if you will.

In my mind, David Oyelowo is looking at Kimmel to see if he pulled this fuck shit- because that’s one of the many thoughts that rushed through my mind when all this was going down.

This is going to give me life for months. Months!

Find yourself someone who looks at you like Lin Manuel Miranda looks at everybody.

It’s clear the Kings only have to move up one space.

+1

Given his numbers you might say that Bishop going to the Kings is a lateral move, but I’m pretty sure when it comes to Bishop it can only be diagonal.

Houseplants make oxygen. They don’t use it.

Are you having a stroke?

Blame the Chinese. I’ve been told it’s the result of one of their conspiracies.

Reasons to not move to Texas:

Not having sex with Kate Upton also worked for Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and Sandy Koufax. .

Kellyanne Conway is like most of the conservative women who mock feminism because they don’t understand it. She doesn’t have what it takes to be a leader, to advance the cause of women, or to do anything that is actually helpful. She criticizes feminism without any sense of irony because she believes that she is so…

Checks all the boxes, while being available in a stick and getting better economy.

We are sending up a monster new telescope next year to replace the broken Kepler and aging Hubble. The new James Webb telescope may very well be powerful enough to identify signs* of life on other planets so finding likely candidates is important so we know where to point it. I’m so fucking excited. Scientists have…

I love that you don’t even see what you did here.

Do they not have tacos in Argentina?

You can’t visit an eShop when there is no eShop available yet.

At first I thought the girl up top with the mop deserved an assist, but watching it again I don’t think anybody at the top of the stairs even touched that rat. He runs/falls down the steps on his own, and then he meets the slapshot of 2017 as a reward for his troubles.