Every day when I drive to work, I realize that one out of two people I see think it’s OK to be lied to by a low IQ, hypocritical sex monster who spends most of his days being a dick and putting ketchup on his meat. And that’s why I drink...

Nah, they advertised it as a viable full time job with inflated numbers, and suggested drivers go buy/lease new cars for their new full time job. They had to pay out money for this false advertising.

“They blame everything in their life on somebody else”

The people’s eyebrows, if you will.

In my mind, David Oyelowo is looking at Kimmel to see if he pulled this fuck shit- because that’s one of the many thoughts that rushed through my mind when all this was going down.

This is going to give me life for months. Months!

Find yourself someone who looks at you like Lin Manuel Miranda looks at everybody.

It’s clear the Kings only have to move up one space.

+1

Given his numbers you might say that Bishop going to the Kings is a lateral move, but I’m pretty sure when it comes to Bishop it can only be diagonal.

Houseplants make oxygen. They don’t use it.

Are you having a stroke?

Blame the Chinese. I’ve been told it’s the result of one of their conspiracies.

Reasons to not move to Texas:

I want to see a venn diagram of overlapping hardsextube.com and nationalreview.com account holders.

Is Pornhub.com OK?