This is my favorite thing in sports.

This is all fine and good but Ranger baseball doesn't officially start until Elvis screws with Adrian while he's trying to catch a pop up during a live play.

Jeter.

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

The weekend series against the Rays will be played at the Trop...

Fuck St. Louis.

Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid.

I speak from experience, you cannot out-weird the inventor of the Twinkie wiener dog sandwich. You merely can hope to keep pace.

I thought about changing a couple of the details to [possibly] keep my anonymity on here, but fuck it. If this person reads this, hi there old friend!

This probably does not count, but when I was 19, my mother rejected a marriage proposal on my behalf.

Back in my single days there were a few instances in which a guy would say things like "God, I want to marry you!!" Or "Let's get married!!"

Sorry guys. The early 90's already invented them:

...and here I thought the penis mightier!

Taylor of Old Bond Street Sandalwood Shaving Cream. I just started back in June using a double edged straight razor and it's the best decision I ever made.. Closest shave I've ever given myself..

Taylor of Old Bond Street Sandalwood Shaving Cream. I just started back in June using a double edged straight razor…

I know, she's fabulous, right? :)

Jesus, can they just fuck and get it over with?

Its no news that band members are horny and depraved: