Illinois Police are focusing their search on area Chili's restaurants because Marcus was last heard muttering, I want my baby back. I want my baby back...

Sounds like he's getting plenty of court time.

"And none of these little piggies made it to market because they were kidnapped and held hostage by the Taliban."

"especially during a week when there's zero actual football news"

Now go read the whole thing, so you can find out what Woody Allen did you make the MSG bosses so mad.

The Japanese are known for their filthy splitters. Just ask any one of the Beatles.

Oh sure, but when I dress up in a furry costume and grab a small white girl in Utah, it's all FBI this, and Amber Alert that.

Okay, I'll bite. Here's a dictionary definition of "thug" that suits Sherman to a "t":

Why is Obama on here. I remember when deadspin wasn't so PC.