I think I hate the Internet now.

Satan probably would have done a better job.

He wanted to call it "If I Did It", but the title was already taken.

$7! That's hella cheap!

The marketing for the new It movie has taken a strange new direction.

Marsh Wader

I just bit into a dank-ass portabella! Wish me luck, guys!

I hope the guy in that picture is wearing sunscreen, because if he isn't…hooboy.

"A vengeful ghost that takes seven whole days to kill you!? Sad! The Grudge can do it in an hour! Now there's a tremendous ghost! I love our Japanese friends!"

I'm a gangland enforcer with a heart of gold!

"Any time any character isn't on screen, I assume they're participating in a wild orgy with every other character."

Trump has an uncanny ability to generate unsettling, bizarre photos.

THIS INTERVIEW WAS A REAL SLOBBERKNOCKER!

So if they get rid of income-based repayments on federal loans my girlfriend and I are going to become homeless pretty soon. Hooray!

Whatever you do, don't ask them about vaccines.

What's with all the attention directed at the old episodes!? The new episodes have so many great moments, like that time Homer drank from the Dead Sea and remarked that it was salty! So what did he do? HE ADDED MORE SALT! Hahahahaha, oh boy, where DO they come up with this stuff!?

The scent of an easy paycheck is powerful enough to overcome just about everything.

Challenge ISIS to a lip syncing battle.

For $20,000 in donations he'll record himself saying the word "Harambe".

"Hello. I'd like to play a game. I have placed an explosive collar around your neck. If you can be enthusiastic about our new model of Chevy winning a J.D. Power Award, it will deactivate and you may leave unharmed. Fail, and the consequences will be dire. Lunch will be provided."