~Andy Borowitz

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

Ah, the hypocrisy is thick. Remember when he went after the Khan family and accused HRC of using them as a political prop? Fun times, man. Fun times.

So how long until the draft comes back?

Quells ironie that Rock was gay and Tony was knocking chicks up in his 70s.

So they’re just doing a Pete Menzies from Touch Of Evil?

This movie looks terrible and is an insult to the 1991 film.

So LeFou is Tony Randall in every movie he made with Rock Hudson & Doris Day?

The universe is off its axis when the most effective troller of Trump is the former right-of-center president of Mexico.

six years on one count of violating Georgia’s street gang act

Wait. That was their defense? That they weren’t the ones who threatened the partygoers? Man, fuck y’all. You rolled up six or seven cars deep into a mostly African-American neighborhood with Confederate flags flying from every single vehicle. You purposely went out looking for a fucking conflict, and when you noticed…

“When this great nation was established, the African-American community experienced unemployment close to 0% in certain portions of the country.”

DeVos went on to express nostalgia for “nearly full employment of the antebellum plantation system.”

Burned? Gotta dump that in that E.T. Atari pit.

In other news:

“Man who has never done his homework discovers he doesn’t know any answers on the test”

Literally nothing he has said since being elected hasn’t confirmed what we knew the whole time, that Donald Trump is a neophyte who has never actually done any hard thinking in his life, and whose only previous hard job was deciding which model he was going to hit on once he named them a winner.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

Who tells a stranger she has “nice skin?”