When I get my time machine running, I’m coming for you, 1985 James Spader.

The cheesecake and the hot chocolate weren't free if you gave it to them.

(Editor’s Note: Like I’m ever going to pass up a story that makes fun of Tim Hortons...)

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

“Here, we see a server remove the packaging from a frozen cheesecake that arrived on truck this morning to be thawed in a cooler. And so begins and ends our tour of Obscene Selection of Cheesecakes.”

What is it with sushi and stupid people? I was out to dinner this weekend at a very nice sushi place (the kind where they serve sushi and that’s it, no hibachi or noodle dishes or anything) and the two women at the table in front of us were absolute nitwits. They sat down, looked over the menu, and then started doing…

I just figured since the restaurant was called Tokyo, and the fact that the sign said “Japanese and hibachi,” it would have clued these college girls in on the fact that this wasn’t a Chinese restaurant.

Maybe hot chocolate lady was allergic to beige?

I would argue pretty strenuously against adding salt to a stock-in-progress. I think leave it neutral, and season it as you use the finished product, according to its intended use. If you want to reduce the stock to make a sauce, if it has already been salted, you run the risk of an overly salty sauce that can…

If you don’t want to buy raw chicken specifically for stock: I remove the backbone from the chicken before roasting (a process delightfully called “spatchcocking”), which gives me a big, meaty, bone-y piece of chicken with no culinary use at all except stock. When I accumulate more than two or three of those in the…

I’m sorry, I blacked out after “hates dark meat.”

I do want to say, for the eight Deadspin commenters who actually dabble in quinoa, making it with chicken stock instead of water makes it taste 500,000 times better. Once you use stock you will never go back.

Just to say it, so that it is said: the green parts of leeks are the very best stock ingredient. Also, hell with skimming. That fat is goddamn delicious.

I roast the bones before starting the stock, because I find it makes for a much richer flavor.

Yeah, I don’t... I don’t understand the focus on this. People are using this woman to say “Look, it’s all about GOOD PARENTING AND NOTHING ELSE”. I’m not saying parenting doesn’t play a part, but it’s as if we’re now creating this narrative that this wouldn’t have happened if everyone just had doting mothers. We were…

Is the Pope Catholic?

I understand that Francis is still the Pope, and thus there’s a limit on just how awesome he can be. But graded on a curve compared to other Popes, he’s an A+.

Hawk Harrelson apparently believes all of Baltimore is gone. He apparently watched Sum of All Fears last night.

My people have arrived.