Dude, this is really creepy.  Leave strangers alone is like the #1 rule of air travel.

I live in San Francisco. Guarantee you if that bastard dropped dead tomorrow of an aneurysm in the middle of the day people would pour out of their offices onto the street like it was VJ day.

It didn’t start well either.

Exactly. Thank you.

Why does my boss keep asking for shit? Doesn’t he understand that I need to anonymously share my opinions/half-jokes with strangers? It’s like for fuckssake can we just hire another person to do all this shit that I am not interested in doing? Also, can we talk about a raise?

Nah I’m probably your boss or whoever set your deadlines.

My god, are you me?

Hold the phone. I think all rational people can agree that a pass thrown inside the 10 is not a fucking Hail Mary. And probably not the 20, or the 30.

Yeah, that’s bad.  But, still not nearly as stupid as putting a clothespin on an electrical cord.  Jesus, people are stupid. 

I’ve seen a lot of silly question here, but the bowling one is one of the worst. Saying that bumpers would help you to 300 would be like saying that training wheels would help you win the Tour de France. Makes that little sense.

They stick clothespins on the power cords of their fans and air conditioner. His theory is that it helps keep more electricity from escaping as waste and keeps more going into the appliance.

We are the same person, only minus the “All I need is just a couple fun size bars or a handful of bears and I’m good” part because I will absolutely get the 3 lb bag of Haribo bears at Costco with the intent of having a couple small handfuls a day and having it last for weeks, only to tear into it before I’m out of…

That email definitely seems like a prequel to the next Email of the Week, where we find out that microwaving sushi leads to the evolution of a Shitzilla in your large intestine that demolishes your organs like they’re Tokyo skyscrapers.

That dude is 100% fucking with Jeff, right? Please?

Nonsense! And I also know that if you put a plunger around your Ethernet cable you can suck more Internet out, so HA!

Dude, that guy dies about three hours after hitting send when all the parasitic worms come out through a new second bellybutton. 

What will the Trump’s funeral be like?

They’re the kind of people who think solar panels degrade the sun

I would say I have an addiction to the internet, but it’s not like I’m on Deadspin in the middle of the work day reading and commenting on stupid shit while missing pretty important deadlines.

Candy.