I used to live in Omaha. That city had a bigass rendering plant which made the city smell like cat food.

See also: San Antonio, Phoenix, Oklahoma City, Nashville, and all other cities that just swallow up the surrounding territory. The City of Anchorage is bigger in area than Rhode Island.

Fuck all this happy horseshit. This is Deadspin, man. We’re haters for fuck’s sake! I want them to go for it and then to at least lose to the Spurs so they can only tie the record. Then Scottie Pippen can shit all over them for the rest of his natural life for only tying when the game’s not as physical and blah blah…

So he's Jewish??

“Fuck. So close.”

Even “honkies” has almost no effect. You really want to make white Americans experience what it feels like to be the victim of a stereotype based purely on the color of their skin, make a shirt with a white cartoon face that says “Racists”.

“Also, Puja is a woman.”

Adam LaRoche will still be my favorite sports baby.

Happy to say there is still a chance the Cardinals go 0-162

THE PLAN WORKED MWAHAHAHAH!

if ur pushin 40 u should talk to women my pal

“Just OK shirts”

Rudy is that a-hole you know at work that complains that white history month should exist since there is black history month.

I wiped it on my computer keyboard and went on with it. The nasty white shit was relentless. Just kept coming.

I had what I thought was a big ol’ zit between my shaft and scrote. Wouldn’t pop for the life of me and hurt like a dagger being shoved into my junk. Then I noticed a little black tip sticking out the side of it. Grabbed some tweezers and began to pull. Was a 2-3 inch in-grown pube. Once fully removed I spent about an…

I had hookworms as a kid. Tiny, white, wiggly worms that live in your butthole. I saw one sticking out of my poop one day and told my mom, who thought I was just being paranoid and told me to ignore it. Flash forward a few weeks later and it feels like my ass is full of broken glass. I go to take a dump, thinking it…

Finally I get to share my story publicly in a setting where people WANT to hear it!!! In December 2014, I started having really massive stomach cramps. I thought perhaps I had eaten something bad, or was PMSing, but these cramps were constant. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped being able to eat. I couldn’t stand up…

I had a cyst on my head. It was gross and I had no idea why, as a healthy, normal 24-year-old woman with exceptional bathing habits, I was cursed with such a thing. Anyway. There it sat. Every now and then I would poke at it, get squicked, leave it alone for a few more months.

I cannot sleep with a growling stomach, and my two go-to snacks for this purpose are either a slice or two of cheese or a spoonful of peanut butter. Just now, I found myself unable to choose, but I thought of this argument. Without hesitation, I removed a slice of Provolone from the fridge, spread some crunchy Jiff…