Burning the car is not an option. I just bought it 6 months ago!

Please note that he is dumping his milk both inside and outside of his car seat. The seat has been cleaned - that's easy - dumped the cover in the washing machine. Now I just need to save my car's damn upholstery.

I asked you a fucking question. Do I have to ask Drew instead?! (PLEASE, GOD JOLIE, NO!)

I had some joe schmoe hotel employee decide he had to show off his ring when I was checking into a best western. I assumed it was fake.

Us Dad comedians need to form a union and demand concessions. And by concessions, I mean beer and raucous laughter at each of our jokes.

Just go with it. pretend he's actually 11.5 feet tall. Also, call him 'Tiny'.

he used my question once! I don't remember what I asked or what he answered.

Those pants tho.

My little one (about 18 months) has been dumping or dripping out milk on my cloth car seats for the past few months. It's been making the car STINK. I just figured out that this was the cause, now I need a solution. Any ideas for removing the stench of rotten milk from car upholstery?

I prefer speedballs.

Besides having terrible taste, you have a terrible sense of history. GnR are primarily known as an 80's band, not a 90's band. Britney and Boy Bands are late 90's shite music, along with Limp Bizkit and Korn.

NEVER GETS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT THE ONLY EXPLOSION.

I attended a ball game in San Diego. Do you know what night it was?! I ain't shitting you...It was god damn DOLLAR TACO NIGHT. BEST DOLLAR NIGHT PROMOTION THIS SIDE OF DOLLAR BEER NIGHT.

Hot dogs last? Dem's fighting words.

Omaha > Houston.

only one church and no adult establishments?

You all keep saying that as if we're going to believe it. Gun shows and stock shows and auto shows aren't culture. Houston is a terrible shithole of a city.

oh yeah, and the weather is fucking awesome.

I live in Denver. Denver’s OK! It’s not the wasteland I expected when I moved here. There’s a great performing arts complex, good museums, a strong food scene that just keeps getting better, and the beer is amongst the best in America.