This is the kind of story that's going to ensure that us Deadspinners stay far, far away from Jezebel for quite a while after today.

GAH!

sorry...I will be more careful the next time I make reference to that horror show.

As if I need an excuse! But thanks for the warning. :-(

Counterpoint: Cigars are awesome. Just smoke them at home or in a cigar bar/shop and don't be a dick.

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!! I love blowing food particles out of my nose. I'm weird like that.

This post, however, was about assblood. Not sure if that is better or worse.

Now, that is a weird fetish.

I had a cyst next to my twig and berries. Big one. I had it checked out by a doctor who said it was benign, but that she could remove it, but that I’d be laid up for a few days. I don’t really trust knives down there, so since it was officially declared harmless, I just let it be. A few years later (about a year ago,…

Barry, Barry, Barry, The horrors the female body is capable of know no bounds. This is going to be a shit show of epic proportions. I still have nightmares after reading the thing about the sunflower seeds on Jezebel. Us dudes just can't keep up with them. No Funbag poop stories have ever come close.

The superiority of the Deadspin concept results in better results no matter who is writing.

Yeah, Barry had the most depressing post of the week across all kinja platforms. Fuck, I hated that post.

Hells yeah!! My experience, too!! *High Five*

This! is what I miss about standing. But with automatic flushers, I miss so many wonderful shit bombs anyway.

Once in a blue moon, my skin touches water. I've never had hand on turd contact. I go under the balls, and never any trouble. Unless your balls are obscenely huge (mine are just huge, of course), you shouldn't have a problem.

I selected “Something totally different”. Here is my explanation:

Oh, well, then I will explain, traveler from the distant past. It is now 2016. April 1, to be exact. You are reading this on something called the “internet”. I’m not sure how you accessed the internet so quickly after arriving from the distant past. Since your ‘phone’ has a ‘dial’, I assume you came from somewhere…

A sack, by definition, is not a ball. You can have a ball playing with your sack, and you can put your balls in your sack, but your sack is not a ball. It's a container for 2 balls.

Look at the date on your phone. draw conclusions.

I like all your balls, Joanna.