Amendment III.100-a (2017)

A player has the ball long enough to be the runner when, after he squeezes the potato with his greedclaw and his thundertrunk suctions to the swampy grass, he is capable off warding of a hex from the Field Magi, swallowing the potato outright, gallivanting to the dusky dimension via mirrorpool or fog portal, or filing…

Counterpoint: Euro 2016 has been awesome, and a 0-0 draw can be entertaining if you know enough about the sport.

If only there was some kind of convenient bed Murphy could have used.

That has to be the world record for most consecutive dabs in ten seconds.

“She obviously wouldn’t recognize a nice guy if he hit her in the face.”

It’s also possible that playing international football just takes too much time away from Messi’s greatest passion:

The Las Vegas Nick Papagiorgio’s

Plumbing Fittings, Ranked By JR Smith:

ALL GLORY TO THE LIPTON TOAD

THIS IS THE HOTTEST TAKE

This would be funny if his name wasn’t pronounced De-Hea. But it is.

Another case of spreading your seeds in the wrong place.

“Disagree!”

The greatest baseball prank is still Rick Manning having sex with Dennis Eckersley’s wife.

So can someone who follows soccer more closely than me tell me what the hell Zardes is supposed to bring to the team?

Salt Lake Beads?

Protip: For couples with young children, you may want to suggest doing dinner AFTER the kids’ bedtime, at their place.