Because my wife’s Black Friday schedule is 1pm-10pm on Thursday (fuck retail), we’re having Thanksgiving the following Sunday. I’m thinking I might prep the turkey on Thursday while she’s at work and cook it on Saturday.

This. I got a letter in the mail with my voting record prior to the election (just ‘You did/didn’t vote in 20xx” listed out). The smart play will be to run the same reports, as soon as bureaucratically possible, and contact every single person who voted in 2012 but didn’t in 2016.

I’m confused by the pull test.... Do you pinch the hairs finger-to-thumb and pull? Or is it just being a bit more aggressive with the pulling when you run your hand through your hair? It seems like that method wants you to do both, and I can’t make sense of it.

Only if they’re 400 pounds.

You’re welcome! Answering provided my own not-working opportunity, so thanks as well.

You’re welcome! Answering provided my own not-working opportunity, so thanks as well.

In other slow cookers, it’s a vent. In this one, it serves double duty.

In other slow cookers, it’s a vent. In this one, it serves double duty.

I got a loaner from the mechanic that was an 80's Nissan pickup with everything but the driver’s seat and the seatbelt stripped from the cabin. It was the most fun I’ve had with a loaner, and now I want a truck like it really bad.

Update: The very good doggie has been found.

Those places generally cost more than Denver or Boulder because that’s where every rich chucklefuck wants to buy their vacation home. (I’m not saying you’re a rich chucklefuck as I have no idea.) If you want inexpensive housing in Colorado, I hope you enjoy living in a place largely indistinguishable from Kansas.

I wanted to make a joke about Tiffany just being a pattern-recognition mistake caused by lighting and background noise, but then I felt bad. She didn’t pick her dad, and it’s not her fault The Donald only acknowledges women he wants to bang.

Hail Mary contest! Don’t bother with formations and running down the field, though. The receivers and secondary stay in the end zone. The quarterbacks both start at the 50. Get a touchdown, step back five yards, and the other team has to get a touchdown to continue. Throw a pick and you only get another chance if your…

My father was abusive. He beat my mother multiple times, and my brother and I once each. After he beat me, he told me I couldn’t tell anyone because they’d break up our family, not only taking me and my brother from the house but splitting us up as well. That terrified me, and I know that the fear of being unable to…

I would immediately boycott any advertiser who buys air time on TrumpTV. Trouble is, I’m not in the market for gold, and I prefer to make my own chocolate-covered berries, so my boycott may not have much effect.

Women always have to work harder. Gandalf could wait until after the Balrog was defeated to become the White Wizard. Hillary had to make the transformation in the middle of her orange-demon fight.

Same from my retail days. And thinking back on some of my shopping trips, I’ve used my pockets and then paid, so the “out the door” rule makes sense.

Yeah, 45-50 is about my limit for windows down. Below that, the air is pleasant, the noise is just about right, and if a good song is on the radio I can pretend I’m cool. Past 50, though, the wind’s too much, and you have to choose between making it more intense by having multiple windows down or deal with thrumming.

I’m going to play Diablo 3. I bought it on sale probably a year ago, and only first played it last week. New to me is new enough!

I can’t post pictures, for some reason, but here are a few highlights from Northern Colorado.

I do have a hardware problem (hence the reference to touch disease) that makes the touch screen unusable, so, yes, actually texting anything is a pain in the ass at the moment.

In the last week, my 6 Plus’s touch disease has become basically terminal. I have a 7 Plus on the way, so I’m just figuring out workaround’s until it’s here. I tried yesterday to have Siri let my wife know I’d arrived to pick her up. I sometimes send my location in Messages by using the “send my location” button, so I…