HAHA That reminds me of a time my friends and I overheard a guy drunkenly saying his penis hangs 3 inches from the floor and a third party said “Yeah, when you’re laying down on your stomach.” And like half the bar goes “Oooooooooooh!”

No dick jokes please!! Okay, here’s one:

If he’s the one who’s speechless, he’s using it wrong.

There’s definitely more than one way to interpret what she said, and bringing laborers into the statement seems a lot less “I’m just like a laborer” than “I’m raising up labor to my level of visibility to rhetorically demonstrate the depth of the problem.”

You know what I love? She is the one talking and he is the one listening. It's the little things, but I love that they chose to advertise it this way.

A: Emma Watson is fantastic. She is a shining gem and the fact that she’s basically becoming a real-life Hermoine Granger is just amazing. Go her.

Every time another “HERR DERR MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER’S UNSULLIED VAGINA” article comes out, I’m a little more grateful for my dad, who has refrained from being concerned about the status of my hymen for my entire adult-who's-able-to-willingly-consent life. Bravo, Dad. You the real MVP.

In Belize I knew this whole family led by a Grandmother, and she and her dozen (approx) grandchildren would PILE into the room, squash into the couch and watch all the Golden Girls episodes that came on mid-morning, about three in a row, I think. The kids fucking LOVED the GGs and laughed their tiny asses off.

Mountain Dew, meth and buffalo cheeseburgers?

You’re a terrible person, wanna get coffee?

Nope still really, really easy. Your rockstar drug addiction was to...adderall?

Next time I see a guy in cargo pants I’m going to force him to build me a house. I mean, walking around looking all probably-owns-a-hammer...what did he think would happen? #CarpenterLookingAssBitch.

I am confused. Why would I force a person to play basketball with me if he/she was dressed like a basketball player? Does that happen? Forced basketballery?

I think they prefer Hensonican Feltmericans now.

I know I’m not alone in feeling that way when I call shade out loud! I always look over my shoulder for side-eye, like, “...Kara?”

Who will her supporter vote for?

I wish we still had shade court so the Honorable Judge Brown could make a decision on this

Accurately, I think.

Holy fuck...but you know, having guns is the most important thing...