Don’t mind David; he’s watching The Sound of Music again...

Your mother was a Yugo, and your father smelled of starter fluid!

David has become crafty after spending time with the Germans, and has decided to outsource some of his dirty work!

Don’t worry, my old man’s a TV repairman. He has the ultimate set of tools.

Looks like Green Goblin is auditioning for Wicked.

That actor? You guessed it... Frank Stallone!

It will have to wait until after her powerlifting competition. This will not help her make weight.

You are a mad genius, and I will be making this very soon for my cookie dough-loving girlfriend very soon.

Switch to measuring by weight rather than volumetric, and yeah, that distinction goes out the window. 

Ah, yes, the Maximum Derek martini.

He told his first officer that if they hadn’t won the war, he’d be tried for crimes against humanity.

True. But if he’s gone civilian and isn’t using the rank most would associate with his name...

“I see your Patriot missiles don’t work, either.”

They might have to release the bloodhounds.

At least one more person does now... All I can think about is that scene in Bad Santa where the kid is running around screaming after cutting his hand while carving the Christmas pickle.

More like his dishonorable discharge, if he’s no longer going by his rank.

It sort of looks like something the A-Team montaged together in a barn, in the best possible way. I would totally buy this if I had the money, space and time to refurbish. A lot of cocaine and sex were had in that magnificent beast.

He was a baaaaad boy with a heart of gold.