Here stands a man who will not get back into his car until a fellow motorist sees his vanity plate and says, “Heheh. Nice!”

How much are you looking forward to filling up that big, beautiful blue fuel tank?

At first, they refused to convert their slaves to Christianity, because the belief was that a Christian could not enslave a fellow Christian. However, they were still potentially saving the slaves’ souls by exposing them to Christianity. Then, later, it was determined that conversion was a more effective control…

More like Portugullible, amirite?

First days of Spring used to mean open season on the LA freeways.

We were supposed to go do some sightseeing before leaving, including visiting the Towers, but that is just too damn close of a call. Here’s to New York traffic.

Welcome to Woop Woop.

Just apply your genuine...

Brownies or gummies.

Yikes!

On September 11, 2001, my mom, little sister and I were supposed to board separate flights out of New York. I was to return home to Arizona, while they were heading to Santa Cruz, California, as my sister was about to matriculate at UCSC. Of course, that didn’t happen, as the world completely changed between the time…

He wishes he could forget the forbidden love of that refrigerator, but goddamnit, those corners... that handle... that dripping condenser tray...

And if, heaven forfend, she actually did need a passport, her champagne flute and caviar holding hands would not be sullied by having to pass it off to some coarse, ordinary customs official. That is a task to be fulfilled by one of her many, fawning minions.

Mopping the freezer is a cruel one.

Damn you.

Let’s do it, folks! Let’s stonk the auto industry!

I made some sourdough pies on Friday. In Dallas, it is difficult to find brick cheese. I was going to use the standby Monterrey Jack/mozz blend that has worked for me in the past, but I found Provel at my favorite Italian grocery store when looking for cup and char pepperoni. I regret not going with the original plan;…

Ah, yes, the long-form improv sandwich!