Bogans.

BubbleHum.

Golly gee Terwilliger!

Nah; he named it after his favorite of Veronica Mars’ boyfriends!

How will you bond with this vehicle if it has no rust to inject into your bloodstream?

Maybe this is some kind of Jacob’s ladder scenario?

WHAT’S UP, JERKS?!

Next, on Cereal...

You clearly have never known the thrill of being given a soda cup full of tokens at your birthday party and transforming them, via skeeball, into a kazoo, and you are the poorer for it.

Alternatively, you could have made the sale, $100... And a threesome...

“Davenport! Get Mr. Griswold’s car over here!”

Fucking over a co-worker.

¡¡¡MANUEL!!!

“The salesman had a name tag that said, ‘Pete.’”

A place renowned for its eleven Herbs...

The Clown of Thorns.

That shark fin antenna that looks cool and aerodynamic, but receives practically no signal can fuck right off.

The power outages. And it doesn’t come with an extension cord.

It would be worse if it was her only car, and that she needed it to commute... 

In my Dallas apartment complex, power was out more than in, water spotty (punctuated by neighbors’ exploding pipes). Across the street, next to no power loss or other utilities interrupted. Across a different street, no power for days. Cold enough to freeze the duck ponds thick enough for an adult to walk across (saw…