Have participated in weddings, attended weddings, and booked the members of weddings into jail, may I just say that if you simply must get married, try to marry an orphan with no friends. If this is not possible, elope. For the love of God - just ELOPE. There is no reason to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding…

I do not think it costs anywhere near that much because she is an artificial construct. There is probably minimal upkeep if she is properly maintained and sprayed with Armor-All once a week.

Your husband rocks. It reminds me of how my mom used to cut the tags out of her clothes so no one would know she wore "half-sizes" (which I think is a 60's antiquity). Half-sizes were slightly bigger, apparently, than "straight" sizes and as I remember reading in Redbook as a teenager "Once you're out of the…

I am sad to see that that Nothing Else To Do In A Small Town was not mentioned, as that is the leading cause of promiscuity in rural communities.

I think that will be up to the media, unfortunately. What we know is what we are told. We have a little wider scope now that victims have more venues in which to speak but few of us are able to do any wide-ranging independent research. I agree with you totally, and if he is guilty I would like to see him brought…

Momentarily laying aside (and only momentarily) the many allegations of sexual battery from a diverse group of women, many of whom recount the same rather unique date-rape-drug M.O. allegedly used by Cosby, this is a man who EVEN if he did nothing else took a fifteen year old girl to the Playboy Mansion. I'm amazed…

-"Well, I reckon Stillasouthernthing doesn't want to go to Cracker Barrel. She's sittin' in front of her laptop playin' some kind of little movie over and over with a kind of glazed look and she's breathin' like a hound on a hot day. Keeps sayin' something about, "I was made to be ruled" and somethin' called a…

I was puzzled by the sincere distress and distaste shown in these replies, and maybe that's the answer: there is a cultural disconnect here. I am from the deepest South, and to me this is natural and fitting. Southern Gothic is not just a category of literature. Down here we name babies after departed family members,…

Conversation in local diner, (Shout out to Maybelle's Kountry Kitchen)

I would give my pension to have someone stand up to Mr. I Can't Stay In My Seat Cause I Got To Show My Ass Kanye (also applicable to Mrs. North's photo shoots) and said , "Shut up, sit down, and wipe that pout off your face before I give you something to pout about."

And yet....there is a certain lovely dark justice at work here. Manson, in whom there is no truth, is a small-time, moronically inept criminal with delusions of grandeur. He is also a nearly preternatural con man. He was a hippie Jim Jones, who manipulated young women into performing his atrocities for him because…

You know I love this column, and I always feel humbled by having my food served to me - imagine, they BRING YOU COOKED FOOD and then they TAKE CARE OF YOU WHILE YOU EAT IT. It's like eating at Mom's, only pleasant.

My kid is in charge of a department that assists women who are in abusive relationships so they do not lose their children due to the fact they themselves have been abused. She assists them in finding safe shelter and goes to bat for them before the Court, I think it's an awesome program. It's interesting to note…

If that is not the quintessence of Southern logic, nothing is. I send you all the hugs I have left. I am not worried about my dog, because all dogs really DO go to Heaven, but I feel like it's time to have that come-to-Jesus talk with someone else.

Because I love this column, I'd like to give back some of the pleasure it has given me.

Good Lord, can't you see the poor man was so excessively tired from his excessive (and just what did he do to make it "excessive"?) Chinese trip and therefore showed his excessive asshattery?

Yes, because the beautiful do not commit crimes. The ugly, poor and obese, those are your criminals. Well-educated and attractive people don't commit murders. (Says Ted Bundy from Hell.)

At first glance I thought, "Finally, even the zombies have had enough of his mouth-breathing expressions and his faux-thug shit and she's going to rip his head off!" Then I realized it was an underwear ad. There is no lasting happiness in this world.

I was made to be ruled by Tom Hiddleston. It is my natural condition.

It is sometimes hard to scrape up sympathy for Florida but remember that we are ruled by a Republican assholebot that was deployed before they got his eyebrows and hair on.