My seven year old neighbor is going to be a slice of pizza.

:(

My mom loves pickled herring in cream sauce and she’d have a jar lurking in the fridge from which she’d fish one out, leaving her with breath that could stop a train.

That makes me think it's more an accident. No one knows what starts labor. Who knows what she was doing. Some people are just really pigheaded and refuse to accept that pregnancy is like being in a car with two people steering.

Freaking DO IT. Our friends that has parental support are so much better off financially than we are.

Why microwave underwear? To dry them from the wash? To like...dryclean them so you don’t have to wash them? To bake his nuts as a form of birthcontrol???

I am not looking forward to the coming week. My birthday is tomorrow, I’ll be 41. Whoopee. Freaking 41. What even. My oldest( 5.5) is sick and piteous. My husband has to travel for work all week and I’m resoluting refusing to consider that all three of my kids might get sick. Even though we all shared a drink…

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I think I’d laugh til I barfed if Springsteen joined Team Bernie. PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN.

Personally I do not trust her that much. I just don’t. I’m 41, so cast my first presidential vote for Bill Clinton. I much prefer Elizabeth Warren, but she will not run. I allllmost prefer Bernie, but his stance on guns is too lenient. I really don’t trust her husband, though I did vote for him.

I am thankful this will never be me. My oldest son likes Dadrock. Like..Billy Joel. Which is not my favorite( AT ALL) but is still waaaay better than Kidzbop. I hope you got a stiff drink after that.

We are so sad. Parent Trap Forever.

I read the linked report and did not see anywhere mentioned “No worries Celia, you guys are fine and for SURE did not have jizz dogs last night.”

Our cat is about 22 pounds. He’s a beast. When he was a kitten the vet was laughing looking his paws and saying “you’re going to be a BIG boy”. He takes up a whole section of couch.

You can’t. Maybe she waited at the airport and had some flights chosen as possibilities.

I feel so bad for this dude. No offense to Mayor Maggie but if Mister Rogers Neighborhood had a mayor, it’d probably be him.

For Christmas Eve my husband and I order a big sushi platter. It’s great because it’s so different from normal Christmas food and is super easy to eat while we run around like jackasses trying to perputate the illusion that Santa does all this shit.

Huntsman is my favorite, though basically double cream and I am there.

My neighbor is a manicurist and one of her clients travels all over and raves about Dubai.