FAKE NEWS. Everybody knows ice cream cake is objectively the best kind of cake. All you lactose intolerant jerks can kiss my hairy butt.

Must all be working for the public service student loan forgiveness program. Lord knows I'd cling onto my government job at any cost until I hit the 10 year mark.

Over the Top or GTFO. The world needs more father/son dramas about professional arm wrestling to save the family trucking business.

Listen, I'm not trying to defend Trump, but nobody should have to apologize for thinking that Air Force One is the greatest cinematic achievement of all-time. It's pretty much an objective fact which deserves its own wing at the Smithsonian.

I've been trying to explain the concept of MST3K to my wife and other family members for years, but it's still referred to as "that show with the weird robot shadows" on a regular basis.

Incomplete map, Steve King's desk isn't marked.

Hey, ain't nothing wrong with a Casey's taco pizza when inebriated.

There is a brief 2 minute period immediately after cooking where it resembles normal pizza consistency. Beyond that, be prepared for the provel to stick to the top of your mouth for the next 1-2 weeks.

We must band together to form a redneck militia to defend Country Bear Jamboree at Disney Land. I'll bring the jugs of whisky marked with X's.

BRISKET IS LOW GRADE BEEF WHICH IS ONLY EDIBLE AFTER AN OVERLY COMPLICATED AND TIME CONSUMING COOKING PROCESS!

All employees also must introduce themselves as Vincent the Cleaner, the illest motherfucker from here to Gardena

7. Fuck the St. Louis metro area for reflexively throwing those ropes of provel into every damn salad served at every restaurant.

None of those photos or the video look like any thing remotely close to an actual St. Louis style pizza you'd get from Imo's or Cecil Whitakers. Especially the header photo, which doesn't have provel cheese on it and is on some type of leavened crust. These are New York guys who think they are making St. Louis style…

A second civil war would probably break out over the style of sauce depicted in that picture.

Don't give the Department of Education any ideas for the next round of mandatory curriculum and standardized testing.

The results from the fraudulent "Lay's: Do Us a Flavor!" potato chip contest.

FELLOW AMERICAN CHRISTIAN WARRIORS! JOIN ME AT WACO NEXT TO THE PILE OF AUTOMATIC WEAPONS TO PROTEST THE OPPRESSIVE REACH OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WHILE DEDICATING THE STATUE FOR PATRIOT TIMOTHY MCVEIGH!!!

So this is an interesting case study. His three tweets read like they were obviously drafted by somebody else at the top, since the first one starts off with a somewhat coherent structure and punctuation, plus it's unlikely Trump even knows who Jackson and Lee are. But then it slowly shifts into Trump style with the…

That's it, you've made the list for using the word aioli.

You got a dry riesling thinking you're cool
I'll take your place at the bar I smack you off your stool
I'll down a '82 sweet red in a single chug
And if you ordered beef it'll pair like a hug.