Steelers fans like him again now

That game last night is the reason we watch football.

You can give yourself up on offense and end the play without being touched down

If you want to feel truly gross and depressed about our species, look up any online story with “Tyreek” and “abuse” in its title, scroll down to the comments section, and surf the tide of (largely ungrammatical) excusatory comments from Chiefs fans.

Fun fact, I thought Tom Clancy was a video game developer until I was like 20.

Every story after Red October still feints in the direction of making him a deskbound nerd, but they never have the balls to go through. It always ends up like that headline image, with ‘Jack Ryan the analyst’ with a rifle in the back of a helicopter or some shit. He’s just another USA Action Man now.

Clear and Present Danger was a great Tom Clancy movie. Harrison does a good job of just being an analyst in that one too. The few times he has to engage, he’s portrayed as clumsy.

Between this and that gawd-awful Benghazi movie, is Jim from the Office hiding some extremely regrettable politics?

 It's like knockoff Chris Pratt. 

I still cannot buy him as an action hero of any kind.

I mean, yeah. Jack Ryan is the American ideal in one tightly knit package: he knows everything, is physically at the peak, is a rugged individual who is always against impossible odds, who can look experts in the eye and say ‘I know better than you’, and ultimately discards all negotiation in favor of brusque violence.

That Grandpa email of the week was fucking fantastic.

“Fuck yeah it does!”

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

Geriatric vampires?

I mean, the “graphic design” of the can should let you know what you’re getting into...

My friends and I were at a bar surrounded by obese (is there any other kind) Pittsburgh fans during this game. They got so pissed when we started actively cheering for the Ravens, and upon the Ravens winning their comeback to us was “Enjoy watching the playoffs from home!”, like the dip shits didn’t even realize they…

No matter how bad Pittsburgh is, no one is grateful to live in Indiana.

“That’s like the US losing a ground war against the KISS Army.”