I sooooo cannot wait to hear the Thursday/Sunday/Monday night monologues that emerge from this. I’m sure Goodell has the finest writers on the planet twisting their brains into pretzels to figure out a narrative that has Kraft coming out squeaky clean. Guessing it will read something like this:

I had to scroll a long, long time, but this is what I came here for.

“What in the world is New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft thinking?! And worse, what’s he doing?!!!!”

Also

The article makes the point that many of these women were there against their wills and had no choice at all.

That reporter had some great fucking sources... 

shut up, dummy.

Man, cops always go after the underdogs. 

“Nobody believed in us.”

Billionaires - they’re JUST LIKE US!

Wow. I got nothing.

I think this is the shoe we were all hoping would drop last night when the story broke.

What you deserve is a living wage.

I will have to respectfully decline. As a Dasher myself, there is a lot more than just “sling”—ing that goes into Dashing. We are u like servers where we have to deal with three separate parties at all times: the DoorDash app (which frequently fails or has, in some cases for me, misinformed me where to deliver…

Also, anyone who watched a Traci Lords movie.

Yeah! What IS the difference between 17 and 18?

to be replaced by marketing man Doug Bowser

My grandma birthed 12 children. She only had an epidural with the last. Her one piece of advice to my wife prior to the birth of our first was to get the epidural. Get the epidural. 

It’s not just cars. The cellular carriers are also out of control with that shit. I do not know what the top four awards in cellular networking are, Verizon, nor do I care. Just let me know when you stop paying Tom Middleditch.